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Video tags
Subtitles
Russian
00:02:18
We're waiting
for the sax player.00:02:20
He'll be here any minute.00:02:22
Listen, my friends.00:02:34
Know what happened?00:02:36
Couldn't find the
key of my cell.00:02:39
Don't laugh, the warden
threatened to change the locks.00:02:43
What would you like to hear now?00:02:44
Mississippi Dream?00:02:48
One, two, three.00:03:51
It's fantastic,
really fantastic.00:04:10
Look at his face, those
shoulders, that neck.00:04:15
Incredible, John.00:04:16
We finally found him.00:04:29
Thank you, you're
a great audience.00:04:32
What do you want to hear next?00:04:35
I've got to talk to you.00:04:36
Sorry, I don't know
"I've Got to Talk to You."00:04:39
Mr. Wonder, we
must speak to you.00:04:40
It's extremely important.00:04:42
Okay, you're on
your own, guys.00:04:45
One, two, one, two, three, four.00:04:59
Well?00:05:00
Magnificent.00:05:02
Mr. Wonder, you're our man.00:05:04
I think there's been
some mistake, girls.00:05:06
Oh, please don't
misunderstand me, Mr. Wonder.00:05:09
We are businessmen.00:05:11
We've come a long
way to New Orleans00:05:13
to offer you a one
million dollar deal.00:05:16
One million dollars?00:05:18
Right.00:05:20
I just drew 10 years
because of some guy's00:05:21
fool-proof get
rich quick scheme.00:05:24
You doubt him?00:05:25
The bag.00:05:27
Here's the money.00:05:28
Yeah, how much? $50,000.00:05:45
Bottom line.00:05:46
We're not authorized
to tell you.00:05:49
You'll hear about it
from our chief in New York.00:05:51
Whether you accept
the job or not,00:05:53
you get to keep the
$50,000, Mr. Wonder.00:05:56
No one will ask for it back.00:05:59
With my luck it's counterfeit.00:06:00
Well, what do you
say, Mr. Wonder?00:06:03
I say the whole thing stinks,00:06:05
but I figure I can
live with the smell.00:06:10
Will you cut out the
funny stuff, Eliot?00:06:11
Swallows can do such things,00:06:13
but only when they're
in good shape.00:06:14
I'm in
great shape, watch this.00:06:21
Excuse me.00:06:22
Can you tell me where
I can find Mr. Vance,00:06:25
Mr. Eliot Vance?00:06:26
Yeah.00:06:30
Hey!00:06:35
He took my hat!00:06:36
Who the hell is that madman?00:06:37
That's Eliot, Eliot Vance.00:06:40
Hey Mike, how
do you like that?00:06:41
We can put it in the act.00:06:43
Set a scarecrow with
a hat on his head.00:06:48
Well, what do you say?00:06:50
Hey, this
guy here wants to talk to you.00:06:52
Says it's important.00:06:53
Who is it?00:06:54
The scarecrow.00:06:55
May I talk to him?00:06:58
Hi, Mr. Vance, we
need to talk to you.00:07:00
It's real urgent.00:07:01
Sure, just come up here.00:07:13
Mr. Vance, even if it
means one million dollars00:07:15
in your pocket, sir?00:07:19
What? There must be a bad connection.00:07:21
I thought someone
said a million bucks.00:07:23
Whether you accept the
offer or not, Mr. Vance,00:07:26
there is $50,000 waiting
for you down here.00:07:52
Mr. Vance...00:07:53
That's yours.00:07:54
Was mine.00:07:55
Mr. Vance, accept
our offer and you can00:07:57
stop fooling around
with that silly toy.00:07:59
I kind of like that toy.00:08:01
This is your advance money.00:08:06
Huh.00:08:07
And what am I supposed to
do with this small change?00:08:09
The agency boss in
New York will tell you.00:08:11
We're not authorized
to say any more.00:08:18
You guys expect
me to buy this?00:08:20
Just think of it.00:08:21
There are 20 more other
envelopes like this one.00:08:26
Huh, in that case I'll buy it.00:08:46
If you'll just wait
a second, Mr. Wonder.00:08:51
Hi, Susan, Mr. Wonder's here.00:08:53
J.G.'s in
conference right now.00:08:55
It'll just be a
minute, Mr. Wonder.00:09:07
Guys, tell the boss to
move it, I can't wait.00:09:10
Well, Mr. Wonder, he's
just winding up a meeting00:09:11
with very important clients.00:09:13
He won't be long, sir.00:09:21
Hey.00:09:24
Hey what?00:09:26
What do you mean, "hey what?"00:09:27
The door.00:09:29
Oh, the door.00:09:30
Yeah, the door.00:09:33
Doors are made for opening,
didn't you know that?00:09:59
Hey, is that the only
tune you know, hmm?00:10:19
Sir, when are you going to
take off on those bobsleds?00:10:46
Hey, what do you guys think?00:10:48
Was he born that way or
did the door make him tilt?00:10:53
Hey, listen to me, blue-eyes.00:10:55
Hey, this is not the
right place for this...00:10:57
Mr. Wonder.00:10:58
You may go in now.00:11:03
If you want to commit suicide,
be here when I come out.00:11:06
You
too, Mr. Vance.00:11:08
Wait a second,
Godzilla's on his own.00:11:09
Please.00:11:12
Whoops.00:11:16
Where's the million bucks?00:11:18
Yeah.00:11:20
Extraordinary.00:11:23
Really fantastic.00:11:26
Great job, boys.00:11:29
You can go now, and, thank you.00:11:33
Make yourselves at
home, gentlemen.00:11:36
It's a real pleasure,
having you guys here,00:11:40
both of you together.00:11:43
Sit down, gentlemen.00:11:46
Ah.00:11:48
Your, uh, twin daughters?00:11:51
Mrs. Thatcher.00:11:53
Members of the board.00:11:54
Oh.00:11:56
Gentlemen, I must confess,00:11:58
you are the jewels
of this organization.00:12:01
Finding one is difficult, but
two, on such short notice.00:12:06
Well, let me say it's...00:12:08
It's, it's...00:12:11
It's what?00:12:13
No adjective can describe it.00:12:15
Too bad, I'd like
to know what "it" is.00:12:18
Yeah, it's a million.00:12:20
Let's start by saying...00:12:21
That man of yours
offered me a million bucks.00:12:24
Yeah, same here.00:12:25
You gentlemen
are the result of00:12:27
an extremely sophisticated
study program.00:12:30
The living proof of
the unimaginable.00:12:33
What about the million?00:12:35
Yeah.00:12:36
I'll come directly to
the point, Mr. Wonder.00:12:38
Yeah, the million.00:12:40
Our organization is
the only one in the world00:12:43
that specializes in
doubles.00:12:48
You mean, ringers?00:12:51
We research, find,
and persuade individuals00:12:54
who are the spitting
images of those00:12:56
who ask us for our help,
to collaborate with us.00:13:00
Look.00:13:02
These are some of our
spectacular finds.00:13:05
That's incredible.00:13:07
You said it.00:13:08
These are our masterpieces.00:13:11
Mrs. Thatcher, the Pope.00:13:14
He needs no introduction.00:13:18
Oh, by the way, the
President's double00:13:21
is an extremely fine actor.00:13:24
Brezhnev, Roosevelt.00:13:27
You know, we sent a
substitute Roosevelt00:13:31
and Churchill to Yalta,
but without our knowing it,00:13:34
the Russians sent a fake Stalin.00:13:36
That's what created
all the chaos at Yalta.00:13:39
They were all absolute doubles.00:13:42
Yeah, but what's
it all in aid of?00:13:44
In order to be in two
places at the same time.00:13:47
One step toward the
ubiquity of the gods.00:13:51
And where the hell do
you find these doubles?00:13:53
All over the world.00:13:55
And you convince
with the million.00:13:58
In your cases, yes.00:14:02
Wait a minute.00:14:03
You mean to say that
somewhere in the world00:14:06
he has a look-alike?00:14:07
Yes, Mr. Vance, you too.00:14:11
There's only one Eliot
Vance, that's for sure.00:14:14
Naturally, the
name's different,00:14:17
but in everything else,
judge for yourself.00:14:24
Holy Mackerel.00:14:27
If I didn't know that
wasn't me, I'd say it was.00:14:31
Lots of class, lots of style.00:14:33
Ah, shut up.00:14:34
Now, don't tell me that
isn't you, Mr. Wonder.00:14:40
Hah, hey look at
this, me in a suit.00:14:42
Well,
what to you say?00:14:45
That's the million?00:14:46
To substitute for seven
days in every way imaginable.00:14:52
Who are these guys?00:14:53
Two of the richest men
in the world, cousins.00:14:57
They're part of a
dynasty that represents00:14:59
an authentic empire of wealth.00:15:02
Uh, they live in Brazil, Rio.00:15:04
Oh, Rio.00:15:05
You know Brazil?00:15:08
Is the Pope Catholic?00:15:10
They own tobacco plantations,00:15:13
hundreds of thousands of cattle,00:15:15
mines, shipyards, hotels, banks.00:15:18
Why, they're always
in the public eye.00:15:20
Boy, that's really tough.00:15:23
So, can I count on you both?00:15:25
You can.00:15:26
Good.00:15:27
When do we start?00:15:28
Now, we're
expected in Rio tomorrow.00:15:30
Shut up and let the
boss do the talking.00:15:32
Are you crazy? I never opened my mouth.00:15:35
Gentlemen.00:15:37
Oh, my God.00:15:39
Identical.00:15:45
I don't believe it.00:15:49
What do you think, gentlemen?00:15:51
One has to admit that the
physical aspect is perfect.00:15:55
Quite disconcerting.00:15:59
One could almost say...00:16:02
Primitive, don't you think?00:16:04
Hmm.00:16:05
First appearances.00:16:11
Gentlemen, allow
me to introduce you00:16:13
to Greg Wonder and Eliot Vance.00:16:16
Hi.00:16:18
Mr. Wonder, meet
Antonio Coimbra00:16:20
de la Coronilla y Azevedo.00:16:23
Hi, Tony.00:16:26
Tony.00:16:28
Mr. Vance,
Bastianio Joao Coimbra de la Coronilla y Azevedo.00:16:32
Anyone ever tell you
you're really cool, Basty?00:16:35
Seeing that we still have
certain things to clear up00:16:38
and secrecy being
the order of the day,00:16:40
I've taken the liberty
of organizing lunch.00:16:43
For Pete's sake, let's go.00:16:45
But Mr. Vance, Mr. Wonder.00:16:49
You'll called them primitive.00:16:50
They're animals.00:16:52
Hmm, indeed.00:17:04
What's wrong, Tony,
you ain't hungry?00:17:06
I had a snack at my
club,.00:17:08
Want some?00:17:10
- Why not.
- After us.00:17:13
Great chicken, huh?00:17:17
Come in.00:17:24
Well, now that we all know
each other, what's the story?00:17:28
This bit about you being here00:17:29
when you're supposed to
be there smells fishy.00:17:32
You don't pay two million
dollars for nothing.00:17:36
You have enemies, huh?00:17:38
You know how it is
with business deals.00:17:41
'Fraid not, this is my first.00:17:43
Yes, we have enemies,
dangerous enemies.00:17:46
There's no pity in
the business world.00:17:49
Your best friend can
become your worst enemy.00:17:51
The same thing
happens shooting pool.00:17:54
Mm hmm.00:17:55
I was attacked in Wall
Street in broad daylight.00:17:58
Terrible experience.00:17:59
Fortunately, the police
happened to be passing.00:18:02
You mean, you
didn't fight back?00:18:05
There were two of them.00:18:07
Is that all?00:18:09
I get it.00:18:11
We're the bait for
a week, while you...00:18:12
Return to Rio
on the seventh day00:18:14
in time to sign a
certain contract.00:18:17
And that certain contract
is pissing someone off.00:18:20
Someone will do anything
to stop you signing, huh?00:18:24
Including murder.00:18:26
Well, I don't
know what to say.00:18:29
Say terrific.00:18:30
I accept, and we accept.00:18:32
Speak for yourself.00:18:35
If you don't accept, this
deal goes right up in flames,00:18:39
and I ain't gonna
lose a million dollars00:18:41
on your account now, you baby.00:18:43
May we know the reason
behind your concern?00:18:48
Yes, Senor Bastiano.00:18:50
The reason behind
my concern is that00:18:52
I don't want to block
a bullet with my head.00:18:55
Naturally, there may be
a certain amount of risk,00:18:58
but one million dollars
is one million dollars.00:19:01
I wouldn't be too picky.00:19:04
We're not picky.00:19:05
I accept, and we accept.00:19:06
Hold it, hold it.00:19:07
Ah, Christ.00:19:09
What about this, gentlemen?00:19:11
One million dollars for each
of you for substituting for us,00:19:16
plus 500,000 for a
mask in your position.00:19:21
You hear that?00:19:22
500 grand for tearing
up the bad guys.00:19:24
Yeah, I can buy that.00:19:27
This is very risky, cousin.00:19:29
I would like to suggest
something to you both,00:19:32
if you don't mind.00:19:34
Yeah, we're all ears.00:19:35
Be what you are, free-wheeled.00:19:37
In other words, don't
attempt to imitate us.00:19:40
Your personalities are so
magnificently spontaneous00:19:43
it would be absurd
trying to restrict it.00:19:46
We're so alike.00:19:47
No one could dream the truth.00:19:50
And these seven days
will be remembered as,00:19:54
as a crazy interlude that no
one will be able to explain.00:20:00
Don't you agree?00:20:02
It's crazy, all right.00:20:04
You know something,
you're a riot.00:20:07
A riot?00:20:08
Yeah.00:20:09
A scream, a gas.00:20:11
Oh, thank you.00:20:14
Did you prepare the portfolio
for these two gentlemen?00:20:16
I have it right here.00:20:18
May I suggest, dear Eliot,
you change your hairstyle?00:20:22
No way, you change yours.00:20:47
Hey, blue-eyes, we're
the only ones aboard.00:20:50
Why's the plane flying empty?00:20:52
It's been entirely
reserved for you, sir.00:20:54
I thought you knew.00:20:56
He's absent-minded.00:20:58
Absent-minded.00:20:59
Would you like some juice?00:21:01
Oh, thank you.00:21:03
Yeah.00:21:07
Hey, let's do some homework.00:21:14
Angel Duarte,
personal secretary.00:21:17
Scrupulous and diligent.00:21:19
Sounds like a pain in the neck.00:21:20
Yeah.00:21:21
Bernardo the butler.00:21:25
Nadino and Vinicio, the chofers.00:21:28
Chofers?00:21:29
Chofers.00:21:30
Yeah, chofers.00:21:32
Zefa, the cook.00:21:33
Ah, Zefa, lovely.00:21:36
Oh, cook's helpers,
upstairs maids,00:21:39
downstairs maids, volanca
and medical staff,00:21:42
gardeners, grooms,
et cetera, et cetera.00:21:45
It's an army.00:21:46
Never thought I'd re-up.00:21:50
Who is this?00:21:51
Dona Olympia Chavez
de Optamirano.00:21:56
A Baroness of blah, blah, blah,00:21:58
Duchess of blah, blah, blah,00:22:00
close friend of
Bastiano Chevalo.00:22:06
Listen to this.00:22:07
For years their relationship
has been strictly platonic.00:22:11
Platonic?00:22:12
What's that, some
kind of bailment?00:22:14
Maybe.00:22:17
Dona Olympia loves Proust,
Bololier, and Whitman.00:22:22
Huh.00:22:23
Favorites are Thomas
Mann, Beckett, and Joyce.00:22:27
Chick gets around.00:22:29
She's gonna hear from me.00:22:31
The relationship
with Bastiano Joao00:22:33
is the talk of high society.00:22:35
I know why.00:22:36
You're the only
one not getting it.00:22:38
I'll change that.00:22:39
Sure.00:22:40
Hey, are you married?00:22:41
Who, me?00:22:42
Are you crazy?00:22:43
Not you you.00:22:44
You Antonio.00:22:45
Oh, me me Antonio.00:22:47
I don't know.00:22:48
Right.00:22:49
Who's this guy?00:22:50
Albert Van Eisenberg.00:22:53
Doctor.00:22:54
South America's
best psychoanalyst.00:22:56
Antonio's analyst.00:22:58
What's that?00:22:59
He's your shrink.00:23:01
Hmm.00:23:02
Antonio Coimbra is a
bachelor without romantic ties.00:23:06
His friend and confidant
is Dr. Von Eisenberg,00:23:09
two sessions a week
at 15 grand a month.00:23:13
Hmph, some friend.00:23:17
You know the rich,
they're always lonely.00:23:20
Well, that's their problem.00:23:22
But if we didn't
look like those two,00:23:24
I'd still be flying ultralights,00:23:26
and you'd be picking
through garbage cans.00:23:34
Hmm, looks like you
put on some weight.00:23:36
Couple of pounds or so.00:23:37
Eh, you better try doing some
jogging, it's good for you.00:23:40
I must might.00:23:42
There they are.00:23:45
Hey, the chofers.00:23:47
What the hell
happened to them?00:23:53
Hey, Nicky and Louder.00:24:03
You lost something?00:24:04
No, Senor.00:24:06
Then straighten up
and take this bag.00:24:08
Yes, Senor.00:24:09
Yes, Senor.00:24:16
Hey, real classy.00:24:23
I'll drive.00:24:24
Let's see what this
piece of junk can do.00:24:26
But Senor, you don't
know how to drive.00:24:29
Oh really?00:24:30
I'll give it a try.00:24:32
In the back, Mighty Mouse.00:24:38
You gonna stay here?00:24:40
No, Senor.00:25:24
Hey, they think
they're on a race track?00:25:26
I thought the
Coimbras were supposed00:25:27
to be scared of going fast.00:25:29
Yeah, I guess they're
even more scared00:25:30
of getting their butts shot off.00:26:26
Holy cow, not a bad pad.00:26:30
Take a week to
find a bathroom.00:26:33
Welcome home, sirs.00:26:35
Thanks, Angel.00:26:36
Hi, buddy.00:26:38
Any news, Bernardo?00:26:40
No, sir.00:26:41
No news is good
news, what they say.00:26:43
And they knew what
they were talking about.00:26:45
I'm sure, sir.00:26:46
Hey, what about
things at the stables?00:26:48
Fine, sir.00:26:49
Regina's in splendid
shape this morning.00:26:51
We enjoyed a quiet campus.00:26:54
The special fodder came for
her from Ireland by airplane.00:26:59
Heh, finally.00:27:01
That's good news.00:27:02
But I don't see Zefa.00:27:04
Zefa.00:27:05
Yes, sir?00:27:06
What you got
cooking for me today?00:27:09
Well, today nothing.00:27:12
Nothing, why?00:27:13
Well, uh...00:27:14
But it's the first Thursday
of the month, Mr. Antonio.00:27:19
What's that got to
do with being hungry?00:27:22
But sir, tonight Baroness
Sofonia Machado Calvoza00:27:25
is holding her monthly
cultural meeting.00:27:27
You yourself told me to
confirm your presence there.00:27:30
How could I forget?00:27:32
With a brain like
yours, it's easy.00:27:35
What time is the
Sofonia expecting us?00:27:41
At eight, as usual sir.00:27:44
Well, for starters, I want to00:27:45
get rid of some of this crud.00:27:47
Crud, sir?00:27:48
Yes.00:27:49
Sure, he's got to
wash up sometime.00:27:50
The bathroom staff
is waiting for you.00:27:52
Oh?00:27:53
What do they do?00:29:30
The program, sir.00:29:31
What's it for?00:29:32
The evening.00:29:34
The Baroness had it
delivered this afternoon.00:29:35
Thank you.00:29:49
Enjoy yourselves, sirs.00:29:50
Thanks.00:29:54
You mean you're going to
trust Mighty Mouse to drive?00:30:01
Nadino.00:30:02
Yes, Senor. Burn rubber.00:30:03
Rubber, Senor?00:30:04
Yeah, put the
pedal on the metal.00:30:18
I wish I knew how
the Coimbras fit00:30:20
in this sardine can
wearing these hats.00:30:22
Maybe they take them off.00:30:24
Good thinking.00:30:32
Did you see my finger?00:30:34
Wow.00:30:36
Beautiful, eh?00:30:37
Ask me what time it is.00:30:39
What?00:30:40
Ask me what time it is.00:30:43
What time is it?00:30:48
Oh, that's a very
beautiful thing.00:30:52
Talk about happy
hour, this is it.00:30:56
Well, what's in the program?00:31:05
Sonata for Harp played by.00:31:07
Baroness Sofonia
Machado Calvoza.00:31:10
Ah, come on.00:31:12
Followed by the lecture,
"How far advanced is"00:31:14
"research on establishing
nobility through blood analysis."00:31:18
You can't, can you?00:31:20
Hey, this is better.00:31:21
A voyage through the
cooking of Tibet.00:31:24
Now you're talking.00:31:25
The many uses of birdseed.00:31:29
How do they feed it to us,00:31:30
in a cage or outside the window?00:31:32
Well, we've got
to play the game00:31:34
if we want to catch
those hood, cousin.00:31:36
Yeah.00:31:38
But look, I ate very much
better when I was broke, cousin.00:31:42
Come on, let's start tomorrow.00:31:44
I want to raise a
little hell tonight.00:31:46
Yeah, I'm with you.00:31:48
To hell with the zombies, they
can take care of themselves.00:31:51
I remember a good place.00:31:52
Nadino.00:31:53
Yes, Senor.00:31:54
To the port.00:31:55
To the port, Senor.00:32:26
This is more like it.00:32:28
Hey, wake up you lazy slobs,00:32:30
let's have a little
movement, a little life.00:32:32
Come on!00:32:34
Welcome, sirs.00:32:35
I have an excellent table
for you right this way.00:32:43
Here we are.00:32:44
This is the best table.00:32:45
It will be ready in a moment.00:33:06
What would you like, sirs?00:33:07
What do you got special today?00:33:09
Rice and beans.00:33:10
That's fine with me.00:33:11
Very good, very good.00:33:12
Very good, two rice and beans.00:33:14
Make it four.00:33:15
Okay.00:33:16
Make it eight. Eight?00:33:17
Oh my God.00:33:18
Ten rice and beans.00:33:21
Hi there, handsome.00:33:23
Well, hi there to
you too, beautiful.00:33:26
Would you buy a.00:33:28
You know who I am?00:33:29
I'm Bastiano de la Coronilla.00:33:31
Y Azevedo.00:33:32
We'll have champaign.00:33:34
Oh, champaign.00:33:35
Champaign for everyone
in the house, on us.00:33:38
Don't go away.00:33:39
Real heart attack material.00:33:42
Come on.00:33:44
Oh, you deserve a
special kiss tonight.00:33:48
If I hadn't seen
them going in there00:33:50
with my very own
eyes, I tell you,00:33:52
I wouldn't have believed it.00:33:54
I've read about guys
with split personalities,00:33:56
but this one's the new record.00:33:58
You said it.00:34:03
The Baroness is going to lose
her guests of honor, Sidney.00:34:06
Ah, they're just slumming
before the main event.00:34:08
They're going to get more
than they bargained for.00:34:10
Come on, let's go.00:34:17
Jesus.00:34:20
I don't know where
to start first.00:34:21
Yeah, same.00:34:25
This is living.00:34:26
Yeah, they ought to
give a lecture on this.00:34:28
You bet.00:34:41
Good evening, Tango.00:34:43
The place is full, but
I'll find a table for you.00:34:46
No, I want your best table.00:34:49
But, but
that table is taken.00:34:52
I want that table.00:34:55
Yes, right away.00:35:11
What's going on?00:35:13
Well, don't look now, but
those guys want our table.00:35:16
No.00:35:18
The owner says it's
just an excuse to bug us.00:35:20
No.00:35:23
This gentlemen here is
the meanest one of them all.00:35:26
He likes to scare people.00:35:30
You know, he'll make
mincemeat out of us00:35:32
unless we give him our table.00:35:34
You're kidding.00:35:37
He's the best hit man in town,00:35:38
and he likes to be called Tango.00:35:40
He does?00:35:41
Mm hmm.00:35:43
The fact, dear cousin,
that he calls himself Tango00:35:45
in the land of
the samba tells us00:35:48
we are dealing
with a total idiot.00:35:53
Right in the beans.00:36:00
You okay, boss?00:36:02
After them!00:36:18
Watch yourself.00:36:20
Don't get up.00:36:53
Hmm, Miller time.00:37:00
Show him how we
deal with people.00:37:07
What are you taking a nap for?00:37:09
Go get him, go!00:37:14
Hey.00:37:15
I'll give you one chance.00:37:20
Karate kick.00:37:21
Hey, let go of my foot.00:37:26
En garde.00:37:27
Touch.00:37:29
Touch.00:37:30
Here, hold it.00:37:31
Thank you.00:37:51
You hurt yourself?00:37:52
It doesn't hurt.00:37:53
Hey, still hurts?00:37:57
Hurts now.00:38:34
You gonna take him home?00:38:35
Who, Marvelous Marvin?00:38:36
Nah.00:38:42
I was just going to the john!00:39:11
Hey boss, they ain't here.00:39:13
Keep looking,
you'll find us.00:39:16
Peekaboo, here we are.00:39:19
Okay boys, this time
they're not getting away.00:39:24
The cops!00:39:25
Let's get out of here.00:39:32
The two chauffeurs
raised the alarm.00:39:34
Though the police
arrived in force,00:39:35
they were not quick enough
to apprehend the assailants00:39:37
who, seeing that things
were going against them,00:39:40
escaped into the night, with
their tails between their legs.00:39:45
When asked to identify his
attackers from the police files,00:39:48
Antonio Coimbra surprised
everybody by saying00:39:51
he was not a stool
pigeon, and furthermore,00:39:53
that he had no intention
of ratting on anybody.00:39:58
You stupid dumb turkey!00:40:00
Boss, sorry, I...00:40:01
Yapach amateurs.00:40:03
I've been in
business a long time,00:40:04
and not once has anyone landed
me with a buzz up like this.00:40:09
They took us by surprise.00:40:11
Ah, all eight of you.00:40:14
Hey boss, it was you told us00:40:15
they were a couple of pansies.00:40:17
I'm not interested
in excuses, dummy.00:40:19
My client wants results.00:40:21
Don't worry, it
won't happen again.00:40:22
Next time, believe me, I'll
take them both out personally.00:40:25
Good.00:40:28
The same tone from
Cousin Bastiano,00:40:31
who losing his legendary
self-control...00:40:33
No.00:40:35
Shocking.00:40:38
Went so far as to
act out the fight00:40:40
for the benefit of
the photographers.00:40:43
Shocking, shocking,
shocking indeed.00:40:48
The Cousins Coimbera
stated they would00:40:50
cover the cost of rebuilding
the destroyed club00:40:53
and pay the medical bills of
those injured in the fight.00:40:57
The fight.00:40:58
In that horrible place.00:41:00
Do you know what that means?00:41:01
Hmm, they must have been
tricked into that pub.00:41:05
Pub.00:41:07
Full of drunks, vagabonds.00:41:11
Underworld language.00:41:13
Stool pigeon, ratting.00:41:17
I shall never be
able to show my face00:41:20
at the yacht club again.00:41:25
It's certainly annoying.00:41:29
I described them as
magnificently spontaneous,00:41:33
but they're not spontaneous,00:41:34
they're downright dangerous.00:41:37
We could hardly
have hoped to have00:41:38
the Duke of Edinburgh
substitute for us.00:41:40
Of course not.00:41:42
But these two gentlemen
are, I think, going too far.00:41:46
They're doing their best
to stay alive, cousin.00:41:49
Unfortunately, they're
doing it their way.00:41:52
We've no choice.00:41:54
We either give up
the contract...00:41:55
Never.00:41:57
Or face those
hoodlums ourselves.00:42:01
Well, they are already
ruining our reputation, cousin.00:42:06
But, they've just hopefully
underestimated the risk.00:42:12
Room service, sir.00:42:14
Your camomile tea.00:42:19
Good morning.00:42:20
Hey, you got a bad back?00:42:22
No, sir.00:42:23
Then straighten up.00:42:24
Yes, sir. Good morning, sirs.00:42:26
How you doing? Good morning to you.00:42:28
Oh, sirs, my commiserations00:42:30
for the terrible
accident last night.00:42:32
Ah, nothing happened.00:42:34
To us.00:42:35
Breakfast will be
served immediately.00:42:37
Good, I could eat
a horse, very good.00:42:46
Hi-ya blue-eyes.00:42:47
Hi.00:42:52
Breakfast for Senor
Bastiano Joao Coimbra00:42:54
de la Coronilla y Azevedo,00:42:56
and breakfast for
Senor Antonio Coimbra00:42:58
de la Coronilla y Azevedo.00:43:00
Bring in the grub.00:43:14
Nice.00:43:35
Whose idea is this, huh?00:43:37
Not mine, Senor.00:43:38
What is
it, Mr. Antonio?00:43:39
Is this a joke?00:43:40
Why, it's your diet.00:43:42
Decided for you
by your dietician.00:43:44
I am my dietician.00:43:46
I decide on my diet, right?00:43:48
As you way, sir.00:43:50
Give it to the canaries.00:43:52
Yes, sir.00:44:34
What are you, tongue-tied?00:44:35
May I tell
you the program, sir?00:44:38
If it's something like
last night, forget it.00:44:40
The program of the day, sir.00:44:42
I still don't want any.00:44:44
- Yes, yes.
- Go ahead, tell us.00:44:47
Thank you.00:44:50
At 11 o'clock you are
to visit the plantation.00:44:54
The bananas are to be harvested.00:44:56
I could do with a couple
of bananas at 11 o'clock.00:44:59
Is that all?00:45:00
At four o'clock,
sir, your appointment00:45:01
with Dr. Von Eisenberg.00:45:04
It's your shrink.00:45:05
Oh, yeah.00:45:07
And you sir, at five
you have an appointment00:45:10
with Dona Olympia
Chavez at the lake,00:45:14
the Lake of the Nimbus.00:45:15
Dona Olympia.00:45:17
The broad.00:45:18
Oh, yeah.00:45:19
I've got a couple of
things to say to her.00:45:22
Shall I have the
carriage ready?00:45:24
Why not?00:45:25
You're terrific, Angel.00:45:26
Getting a little
thick around the waist.00:45:28
Uh, may I be dismissed?00:45:31
Sure, you can split.00:45:32
All of you.00:45:33
Goodbye.00:45:34
Thank you, sir.00:45:40
You know, it ain't
tough being rich.00:45:42
You can say that again.00:45:45
Now they're two
completely different people00:45:47
since they came back
from the United States.00:45:50
Antonio learned how
to play the saxophone.00:45:53
Incredible.00:45:54
And Bastiano asked me
to buy him a windsurf.00:45:58
A what?00:45:59
One of those things
you fly across the waves00:46:01
while holding onto the sail.00:46:03
Says he doesn't want
to lose his touch.00:46:06
Bastiano?00:46:07
Bastiano.00:46:09
Incredible.00:46:17
Where did the agency guys
pick you up, under a bridge?00:46:20
Ah, I was at Dirty Charlie's
Jazz Club in New Orleans.00:46:22
What were you
doing in a jazz club?00:46:24
They let me out of the
city jail once in a while00:46:26
to play the saxophone.00:46:28
Good behavior, you know.00:46:29
And before that?00:46:31
I was just bumming around,00:46:33
so I came to Brazil
the first time.00:46:34
Doing what?00:46:36
Trying to find some
diamonds in some river.00:46:40
You don't look
like you found any.00:46:42
Look at me, I look
pretty good right now.00:46:44
And what do you do?00:46:46
Oh, all kinds of jobs.00:46:47
But the thing I'm
best at is falling.00:46:49
Yeah, falling on your face.00:46:51
I'm a stuntman.00:46:53
Oh.00:46:54
When they need a guy to
fall off a galloping horse00:46:57
or to drive a burning car off
a cliff, who do they call?00:47:00
Who do they call?00:47:02
Eliot Vance, the best.00:47:05
Real high risk stuff, huh?00:47:08
Not if you know
what you're doing.00:47:09
And that's you, huh?00:47:11
You bet.00:47:12
You don't look like it.00:47:14
Oh no?00:47:16
Stop here.00:47:30
Got it?00:47:31
When I come galloping
towards you,00:47:33
you take a shot at me,
bang, and see what happens.00:47:38
Okay.00:47:53
Okay?00:47:56
Hah, hah!00:48:08
Boom!00:48:09
Boom!00:48:16
One down, one to go.00:48:20
I'm fine, I'm fine.00:48:23
Thank you, thank you.00:48:29
That fall was worth 500 bucks.00:48:32
You ever cracked your head?00:48:33
Never, I told
you, I'm the best.00:48:35
And speaking about heads,00:48:36
you'd better watch
out for the shrink.00:48:38
What's the shrink
got to do with this?00:48:40
I know their game.00:48:41
They make you spill
out your guts.00:48:43
In the mean time, they
dig and dig and dig.00:48:45
Yeah, dig where?00:48:46
Into your mind,
your past, our past.00:48:49
You know, doubles.00:48:53
The two million bucks.00:48:55
Well?00:48:56
Well, since you're
soft in the head,00:48:58
I wouldn't want you
to blow the show.00:49:00
Look who's talking.00:49:01
Get in.00:49:22
Boss.00:49:23
Yeah.00:49:24
It's half finished.00:49:25
I shot Bastiano.00:49:26
Terrific.00:49:29
I drew a bead, boss, and
he dropped like a ripe fig.00:49:32
Glad you got wise, Tango.00:49:34
Nothing to it, boss.00:49:35
Tomorrow I'll take
out number two.00:49:38
Take a look.00:49:43
Anyone we know?00:49:44
Huh?00:49:59
I shot him, boom,
boom, bullseye.00:50:02
He dropped to the ground
like a ripe fig, boss.00:50:10
Turkey.00:50:12
Senor Antonio Coimbra
de la Coronilla.00:50:16
Thank you, my dear.00:50:18
My dear Antonio.00:50:20
Good to see you.00:50:23
I'm glad to see
your muscle tone00:50:25
has improved considerably.00:50:26
Well, I've been getting
a little exercise.00:50:28
Have you rested well
these last few days?00:50:30
Can't complain,
can't complain.00:50:32
Do sit down, Antonio.00:50:34
Thank you.00:50:35
A challenge.00:50:47
Have you had any more of
those terrible nightmares?00:50:51
Well, not exactly, but...00:50:54
But?00:50:55
I dream that I'm sifting
sand in the Rio Prato.00:51:02
You know, sifting, and sifting.00:51:06
Typical.00:51:07
A recurring symptom
of your subconscious.00:51:11
That's what it is, huh?00:51:12
Of course.00:51:13
It's so typical.00:51:15
Something to do
with your childhood,00:51:16
playing on the beach
with bucket and spade.00:51:19
And, uh, and sifting.00:51:21
Exactly.00:51:22
And sifting.00:51:23
You see the way things
are coming together.00:51:26
Yeah, right, coming
to the surface.00:51:29
Let's go back to your
childhood, Antonio.00:51:32
From primordial impulses to
these repressed feelings,00:51:36
we'll dig.00:51:38
I'll dig them out for you.00:51:40
It's so comforting
after all this time.00:51:43
I never found someone to
do the digging for me.00:51:53
Wouldn't you know
it, she's late.00:51:54
Oh,
my pure thoughts.00:51:56
Oh joyful soul of mine.00:51:59
My Cupid is here.00:52:03
Is that you,
Olympia, woman of...00:52:05
Love.00:52:08
Oh.00:52:12
Were your chaste
lips about to make00:52:13
a declaration of love, my Cupid?00:52:16
Uh, yeah, that's what my
chaste lips were about to do.00:52:20
All my life.00:52:23
You are here to bring joy to
my eyes, and my whole being.00:52:32
Shall I go on?00:52:34
Oh, my platonic friend,00:52:36
was it not said your chaste
lips would never brush...00:52:41
Oh, well, it was
said, but the fact is,00:52:44
Cupid lost his head.00:53:01
Isn't this the day of passion?00:53:03
Better late than never.00:53:06
Then today is the day.00:53:08
No, it's a great day.00:53:10
Yeah, Joyce, Proust,
Whitman, all rolled into one.00:53:14
They are just words,
beautiful words.00:53:17
But life is also
blood, flesh, muscles.00:53:22
Uh huh, I'll say.00:53:27
Hey.00:53:29
My love, my Cupid.00:53:34
And then...00:53:35
Yes, yes, yes, typical.00:53:39
It's all coming together,
it's all falling into place.00:53:42
This new element of the
saxophone fits in perfectly.00:53:45
Fits in, huh?00:53:47
Absolutely.00:53:50
But there's something that
doesn't want to emerge.00:53:53
What do we want
to do about it?00:53:55
Hypnosis.00:53:58
Watch the pen, Antonio.00:54:00
Concentrate.00:54:02
Follow the pen.00:54:04
Concentrate.00:54:06
More.00:54:08
More, more, more.00:54:12
You are very relaxed.00:54:14
You want to sleep.00:54:16
Close your eyes, Antonio.00:54:19
You are asleep.00:54:22
You're in a very deep sleep,
because you are relaxed.00:54:26
Relaxed, tranquil, and relaxed.00:54:32
Sleep, sleep.00:54:37
You can hear my voice, Antonio.00:54:42
I'm going to ask you questions,00:54:44
and you're going to answer them,00:54:46
because you want to answer.00:54:47
You wish to tell me
everything, don't you.00:54:50
Yeah.00:54:52
You are about to sign
a contract, make a deal.00:54:56
Isn't that true?00:54:59
I want to know everything
about that contract.00:55:02
I want to know everything you do00:55:04
every day until you sign it.00:55:07
You will tell me everything.00:55:10
What the hell do you care?00:55:12
What did you say?00:55:13
Repeat that, Antonio.00:55:14
What the hell do you care?00:55:17
You're going to
tell me everything.00:55:20
Now, on the couch.00:55:24
You start spilling the beans.00:55:26
What do you care about what I
do, and about that contract?00:55:28
Let's hear it!00:55:30
It's part of the
normal therapy!00:55:32
It's not your normal
therapy, it's my therapy.00:55:34
Now...00:55:36
There's been a terrible
misunderstanding!00:55:38
That's not the only
thing that's terrible.00:55:40
I'm going to bust
your nose, get it?00:55:43
Unless you talk.00:55:45
You're spying for somebody.00:55:47
Tell me who. I'll tell you, I'll tell you!00:55:49
Leave me alone!00:55:50
"Native moments, when
you came upon my soul,"00:55:55
"ah, we are here now."00:55:58
"Give me new
libidinous joy only."00:56:01
"Give me the drench
of my passions,"00:56:04
"give me life, coarse and rank."00:56:08
Do you remember, my love?00:56:10
Those are the lines
of your favorite poet.00:56:13
Uh, you mean Yoko
Ono wrote that?00:56:16
Oh, you're being
so deliciously facetious.00:56:22
Now you know very
well that those00:56:24
are the words of
the divine Whitman.00:56:27
Now tell me.00:56:29
Was it he who gave you
your passion today?00:56:33
Let's forget about the past.00:56:35
From now on, you're looking
at the new Bastiano.00:56:37
Oh, we'll have to
make up for lost time,00:56:42
won't we, my love?00:56:44
Are you kidding?00:57:07
Stop right there.00:57:08
I'm Lieutenant Columbo.00:57:09
My badge.00:57:10
Who do you think
you're kidding?00:57:11
You're crooks.00:57:12
Who are you working for?00:57:14
You'll find out.00:57:15
Get in the car.00:57:16
Okay.00:57:18
Not your car,
fathead, our car.00:57:21
Get in!00:57:24
Hey!00:57:26
Uh!00:57:29
Hey, hey, where...00:57:32
Why you...00:57:39
Got you!00:57:40
Phony cop.00:57:45
Hey, bastard!00:57:48
Come on.00:57:52
God damn it, he stole the keys.00:57:53
Put it in neutral,
we'll roll it down hill.00:58:04
Boys.00:58:10
Hey, stop!00:58:22
Come on.00:58:24
Start it up.00:58:25
I can't, he stole
this key, too.00:59:18
Pull the plug,
we've got to talk.00:59:22
Okay, time for a swim,
everybody in the pool!00:59:29
Hey, cousin, you
missed the party.00:59:31
Phony cops tried to do me in.00:59:33
Do you in?00:59:34
There's a spy here.00:59:37
Let's go someplace
where we can talk.00:59:45
Then what happened?00:59:47
I grabbed him, got him
stretch out on his couch,00:59:51
and squeezed until the
words started running.00:59:53
Then what?00:59:54
Well, they convinced him
to do a little digging on me.00:59:57
They were going to do something00:59:58
on his brain with
a pneumatic drill.01:00:00
So what'd you say?01:00:02
I told him I use a pneumatic
drill to clean my fingers.01:00:05
Oh, very subtle.01:00:07
How about then?01:00:09
I found out that he's
meeting his contact01:00:11
at 12 o'clock noon tomorrow.01:00:12
Where?01:00:18
Where's the shrink now?01:00:20
He snuck away.01:00:22
Hey, look.01:01:13
Take it easy, pal.01:01:14
Just tell us the address
of this information.01:02:07
You know where the manager is?01:02:11
Hey, have you seen the manager?01:02:17
You know where the manager is?01:02:21
Thanks.01:02:25
Well?01:02:27
We'll find the
manager is his office,01:02:28
down that passageway, second
door after the shower.01:02:32
Are you sure you
read the message right?01:02:34
Absolutely, just
read between the lines.01:02:39
What are you doing?01:02:41
I was trying to
learn how to read.01:02:43
Get yourself a good
book, now come on.01:02:59
Hey mister.01:03:00
Mister.01:03:02
Hey.01:03:03
Rise and shine, the
postman's knocking.01:03:11
Look who's here.01:03:20
Nice job, I'll call you later.01:03:26
Please, gentlemen, sit down.01:03:28
Uh, no thanks, we just
stopped by to give you this.01:03:33
Be seeing ya.01:03:37
All right, why don't we
put our cards on the table.01:03:42
But you don't
have a hand to play.01:03:43
And even if you had
a deck full of aces,01:03:45
the odds are still against you.01:03:47
He's got a point.01:03:48
A blunt one.01:03:59
Let me talk to
the boss, will ya?01:04:00
Yeah, what is it?01:04:02
The mail's arrived,
and guess what?01:04:04
A couple of morons
brought it over.01:04:06
If this is
some kind of balls-up,01:04:07
Tango, I'll have you...01:04:08
No, it's no balls-up, boss.01:04:10
The Coimbras are sitting
right here in front of me.01:04:12
Just as sure as my name's Tango.01:04:14
Just bring
them to the estate.01:04:16
Bring them out for the weekend.01:04:17
Right, boss.01:04:21
Gentlemen, the boss
has invited you01:04:23
to his place for the weekend.01:04:25
Oh, uh, are you free?01:04:28
When, the weekend?01:04:29
Yeah.01:04:30
We accept.01:04:32
If they come along, too.01:04:33
Oh, that goes without saying.01:04:43
Hey, don't take it so bad.01:04:45
After all, the worst is
right around the corner.01:05:08
Hey, close the window.01:05:11
It's stuffy in
here, I can't breath.01:05:17
Ah, let the guy
take a breather.01:05:18
It's going to be
one of his last.01:05:31
Son of a bitch, let's go.01:05:52
They're not after
us, keep going.01:06:10
Pull in there,
Sidney, let them pass.01:06:29
Good morning, officers.01:06:31
Shut up! Hey, you...01:06:32
But officer...01:06:33
I told you to shut up.01:06:36
You're in a lot
of trouble, buddy.01:06:38
Maybe you got
me wrong, officer.01:06:40
I didn't get you wrong.01:06:41
Come on out.01:06:44
Jerk.01:06:47
I'm Bastiano Coimbra
de la Coronilla.01:06:49
Y Azevedo.01:06:50
Oh, my cousin Antonio.01:06:54
Tony, come and say hello
to the nice police officer.01:06:57
Hello, nice police officer.01:07:00
Move, mutton head.01:07:05
The Coimbra Cousins.01:07:07
But of course, the
Coimbra Cousins.01:07:09
Bit of misunderstanding.01:07:11
I'm really sorry
about this officer.01:07:13
I'm sure it was my fault.01:07:15
Oh, no no no, I'm
the one who's sorry.01:07:17
But you understand...01:07:18
Of course. I blame the times we live in.01:07:20
Yeah.01:07:22
And what a coincidence.01:07:23
We were on our way to
the Police Academy.01:07:26
Really?01:07:27
Yeah.01:07:28
We wanted to give 5,000 tickets
for Sunday's.01:07:30
5,000 tickets.01:07:33
5,000?01:07:34
You know, all work and no
play makes Jack a dull boy.01:07:38
Oh, those boys deserve it.01:07:40
They work hard, you know.01:07:42
Yes, I know what you mean.01:07:44
If you want, I can
escort you to the school.01:07:46
Thanks, we'd like that.01:07:47
Yes.01:07:49
Uh, would it be asking too
much if we came in your car?01:07:52
Oh but, uh, sure,
sure, why not?01:07:55
It's the dream of my life,01:07:57
to travel in a
police car innocent.01:08:03
We're escorting these two
gentlemen to the Police Academy.01:08:05
You ride with them.01:08:07
This way gentlemen, please.01:08:08
Thank you.01:08:09
Follow us, James.01:08:13
Yes?01:08:14
Next time you hear
a siren, mister,01:08:16
pull over to the
side and stop, okay?01:08:17
Of course, officer.01:08:31
Congratulations,
Colonel, very efficient.01:08:33
Really.01:08:35
Thank you again, gentlemen,
in the name of all our cadets.01:08:37
We appreciate
what you're doing.01:08:39
Uh, I'd like to ask
a favor, Colonel.01:08:41
Sure, name it.01:08:44
If our bodyguards
could take a look01:08:46
at your training measures,
it would help them a lot.01:08:48
Yes.01:08:49
Certainly, it
would be a pleasure.01:08:51
I'm counting on
you guys to pick up01:08:52
some new tricks
while you're here.01:08:54
Yeah, especially Samba.01:08:59
You know what happened?01:09:00
His car was stolen,
right under his nose.01:09:03
A limo, just like this one.01:09:05
Show these
gentlemen around.01:09:07
Yes, sir.01:09:09
This way, gentlemen, please.01:09:16
Well now, over there we have
the gym and the.01:09:20
And over there we have
the shooting range.01:09:23
Our cadets graduate
from the academy...01:09:27
Well, Colonel,
it's been a pleasure.01:09:29
I can never thank
you enough, gentlemen.01:09:31
Oh no, it's us that thank you.01:09:34
Goodbye, sir.01:09:37
Come on, men, shake your asses.01:09:40
Let's move it.01:09:42
3-9-4-4-1-3.01:09:44
Is that your lottery ticket?01:09:45
No, it's our
man's phone number.01:09:46
Oh.01:09:47
Tango dialed it
right under my nose.01:10:10
Huh, I'm going to get
my Gucci wetsuit wet01:10:12
swimming out there.01:10:13
Trust the bastard to
live on an island.01:10:16
You can't hear someone
yelling for help from an island.01:10:59
Senors, will you
be out a long time?01:11:03
We'll be back in an hour.01:11:22
Hello there, octopus.01:11:24
Who are you
calling an octopus?01:11:26
Who else?01:11:28
Your hands are so quick,
they're like tentacles.01:11:31
Sure, sure.01:11:33
Go fix some drinks, jellyfish.01:11:50
One false move and
you'll be fish bait.01:11:52
What's going on?01:11:54
What do you want?01:11:56
Who are you?01:11:57
Just the name of your client.01:11:58
What client?01:11:59
I don't know what you're,
what you're talking about.01:12:02
The prick who
wanted you to kill01:12:03
the Coimbra Cousins, fish bait.01:12:05
Give us his name, or
you get buried at sea.01:12:07
I don't know who the guy is.01:12:08
I've never even seen
his face, I swear.01:12:11
I only met him once.01:12:12
He was wearing a long black
coat with the collar pulled up,01:12:14
a hat pulled down
over his eyes, and...01:12:15
Look buddy, somebody
like that, try again.01:12:18
He paid me a fee.01:12:19
How much?01:12:20
$20,000.01:12:21
Ah, not enough.01:12:23
How do you contact him?01:12:24
I don't.01:12:25
He's always the
one who called me.01:12:27
Has this fancy
voice, a real weirdo.01:12:29
Not the kind of guy
you bring home to mother.01:12:31
I swear I'm telling
the truth, I swear it!01:12:34
Hey, if this
guy's on the level,01:12:35
there goes the 500 bonus.01:12:37
I don't think so.01:12:38
You're coming with us, pal.01:12:40
What are you
going to do with me?01:12:41
Start paddling.01:12:44
Harder, harder!01:12:48
Unique.01:12:51
Really unique.01:12:57
Oh, listen to
this stanza, cousin.01:12:59
Oh, with pleasure.01:13:01
Winds that blow south
or winds that blow north,01:13:04
day come white or
night come black,01:13:06
home, o'er rivers and
mountains from home,01:13:10
singing of time,
minding no time,01:13:12
while we two keep together.01:13:16
Touching.01:13:19
Come in.01:13:20
Bellboy.01:13:22
Yes, come in.01:13:24
The newspaper from Rio, sir.01:13:25
Thank you.01:13:30
What's the news?01:13:31
Let's see.01:13:34
Oh, no, no!01:13:38
Coimbra Cousins hobnob
with underworld.01:13:41
Outrageous.01:13:42
The cousins, Antonio
and Bastiano Coimbra01:13:44
ripped it up until the
early hours in the morning01:13:47
in the company of the most
notorious gang boss in Rio!01:13:51
The two magnates
product to photographers01:13:53
attracted to the spot by
an anonymous phone call.01:13:55
Oh.01:13:56
The club, Wine,
Women, and Song,01:14:00
had just reopened its doors01:14:01
after the first Coimbra
scandal had closed it.01:14:05
Another scandal.01:14:07
The family name is
completely dishonored,01:14:10
immortalized in the
company of gangsters.01:14:13
Us, the Coimbras
de la Coronilla.01:14:16
Y Azevedo.01:14:17
Right, y Azevedo.01:14:19
We wanted two lambs
to feed to the tigers.01:14:22
Instead, we sent two tigers.01:14:24
Incredible, really incredible.01:14:28
It's more than that, cousin.01:14:29
No firm will ever do
business with us again.01:14:32
How could we have made
such a mistake, cousin?01:14:37
I'm afraid we must
return to Rio at once.01:14:39
Rio?01:14:40
Now?01:14:41
We've no choice.01:14:43
As soon as we get
there, we'll pay those01:14:45
two savages, present them
at a press conference,01:14:49
and explain everything.01:14:52
Everything?01:14:53
Yes, everything.01:14:55
The threats, the
attempts on our lives,01:14:58
the idea of using
doubles and...01:15:01
We'll be in the heat of
the hurricane, but then,01:15:05
they'll go back to being them01:15:07
and we'll go back to being us.01:15:09
The Cousins Coimbra
de la Coronilla.01:15:11
Y Azevedo.01:15:13
Yes.01:15:44
Stop right there, Commander.01:15:45
Commander Van der Bosh,
and his Dogs of War.01:15:49
We'll fight anyone for money.01:15:51
The bag, huh?01:15:54
And the rest?01:15:55
When you've
completed the mission.01:15:58
Let's just say
tomorrow's too late.01:16:00
Anything else?01:16:01
Yes, I want them alive.01:16:03
They have a lot of
things to tell me.01:16:05
With your permission.01:16:07
Climb aboard.01:16:09
Can't make saw them leave.01:16:11
I didn't hear
anything this morning.01:16:12
But you?01:16:13
They were so drunk when
we drove them home,01:16:15
I was sure that they'd
stay in back all day.01:16:17
Then all of a sudden we get
a call to get to the airport.01:16:21
There they are.01:16:27
Good morning, Senors.01:16:29
Good morning, Senors.01:16:30
Recovered from your
hangovers, Senors?01:16:34
What is that?01:16:35
Your car, Senors.01:16:36
With all the
modifications you ordered.01:16:39
Lowered suspension, the
twin turbo-chargers,01:16:42
extra strong overhead valve.01:16:44
12,000 rev, from zero
to 100 in eight seconds.01:16:48
It's a real bomb, Senor.01:16:50
I want it painted immediately.01:16:51
Its original color.01:17:04
Are you resigning?01:17:05
No, Senor.01:17:06
Then take your place.01:17:07
All right, Senor.01:17:11
The door.01:17:12
Yes, sir.01:17:26
Home, Senors?01:17:27
No, the farm at San Jose.01:17:28
Then take the car
back to the mansion.01:17:29
Yes, Senors.01:17:37
Just black coffee
for me, lots of it.01:17:40
Black for me, too.01:17:41
I'll take a couple of
sausages on the side.01:17:52
Good morning, sirs.01:17:55
Anything new?01:17:57
Only one call,
for Mr. Bastiano.01:18:00
Dona Olympia Chavez.01:18:03
She informs you that
the theme of the next01:18:05
literary meeting will
be love or death,01:18:09
the dilemma of the day.01:18:11
Or I'll have it
toasted, and rang twice.01:18:14
Excuse me, sir.01:18:15
Not so loud.01:18:16
There's a gentleman on the
phone who insists on being you.01:18:24
Hello?01:18:26
Hmm. How are you, Tony?01:18:29
Really?01:18:30
You say you can't
wait to get home?01:18:34
Yeah.01:18:35
Yeah, right in front of me.01:18:38
Hi from Eliot Vance.01:18:40
Terrific guy.01:18:41
How are things
in the Big Apple?01:18:43
What do you mean, we're
getting bad press?01:18:46
We'll buy out the papers.01:18:49
What was that, you
want to buy us out?01:18:52
Why not, it's your funeral.01:18:56
I got it, I got it, okay.01:18:58
Be seeing you.01:19:00
Bye bye.01:19:02
Well?01:19:03
Taking a ride.01:19:04
Where?01:19:05
The farm in San Jose.01:19:07
The San Jose farm, sir?01:19:09
But it's out of season.01:19:11
And the house hasn't
been made ready.01:19:13
Would you shut
up please, buddy?01:19:16
Yes, sir. Thank you.01:19:19
Oh, the car's here.01:19:21
Yeah, let's go.01:19:37
I don't believe it.01:19:40
Who told you to
repaint the car?01:19:41
You, Senor.01:19:42
At, at the airport.01:19:43
Are you crazy?01:19:45
We just woke up now.01:19:46
Drive us to San Jose.01:19:47
You, to San Jose, Senor?01:19:49
Yes.01:19:50
But, I, uh, we...01:19:52
Didn't we just take you there?01:19:54
Have you been drinking?01:19:55
No, I?01:19:57
No, Senor.01:19:58
Get in the back, he'll drive.01:20:20
Villa Coimbra.01:20:23
No, I'm sorry,
they've just left.01:20:25
To the farm in San Jose.01:20:28
You're welcome.01:20:33
Oh, yeah?01:20:34
We should have let
ourselves get killed,01:20:35
just to keep you looking
good at the club?01:20:38
We didn't mean
that, Mr. Vance.01:20:40
But was in necessary for
you to be photographed01:20:42
with a notorious gangster
and a bevy of bar girls?01:20:46
Ah, come on, it's all part
and parcel of what you want.01:20:50
The problem is you guys.01:20:51
Mr. Vance and I have done a
job that's absolutely great.01:20:55
You know why?01:20:56
First, the boss is in the shit.01:21:00
Second, the right-hand
man, what's his name?01:21:03
Tango.01:21:04
Yeah, yeah, Tango,
he's in the shit, too.01:21:06
Oh is he ever.01:21:07
He's covered with shit.01:21:09
You got that?01:21:10
The smell is quite disgusting,01:21:13
but I've got it, Mr. Wonder.01:21:15
Good.01:21:17
There's no point
in continuing.01:21:19
Obviously, we disagree
on everything.01:21:21
If the show is over,
give us our money,01:21:24
and lower the curtain.01:21:33
Yeah.01:21:37
Speak louder.01:21:43
It's for you, Bastiano.01:21:46
Me?01:21:48
Yeah, for you.01:21:59
Bastiano Coimbra speaking.01:22:05
Who are you?01:22:06
What do you want?01:22:10
I beg your pardon?01:22:12
Oh.01:22:15
Hello, hello?01:22:19
He hung up.01:22:22
Who was it?01:22:23
The man who wants us dead.01:22:25
Extinguish your dynasty,
that's what he said.01:22:29
He sounded very serious.01:22:32
Oh my God.01:22:36
Hey, listen, who
knows we're here?01:22:38
The chauffeurs, the
chauffeurs, of course.01:22:40
No, they wouldn't
rat on anyone.01:22:44
Your secretary, that Angel,01:22:45
he tried to starve me to death.01:22:48
He's too dumb.01:22:49
He wouldn't know where to begin.01:22:51
The butler.01:22:52
The butler's always guilty.01:22:55
Oh, come on, Bernardo?01:22:56
He watched us grow up.01:22:58
Now maybe he
wants to watch you die.01:23:01
I've got it.01:23:02
I'll make a call in.01:23:13
Hi Angel.01:23:14
Bastiano Coimbra speaking.01:23:16
Did anyone call me since I left?01:23:20
Oh.01:23:21
Thank you, thank you very much.01:23:26
Did it work?01:23:27
Later.01:23:30
Let's see your John Hancock.01:23:31
John Hancock?01:23:33
Sign the checks.01:23:35
Can we raise the, you
know, curtain again.01:23:39
Give us our money first.01:23:59
A chopper?01:24:00
Yeah, a big chopper.01:24:08
Are those soldiers?01:24:09
Well, it's not the cavalry.01:24:11
Who are they?01:24:13
Mercenaries.01:24:14
I know those bastards.01:24:16
Oh, Mr. Wonder,
since you know them,01:24:18
could you please
tell them to go?01:24:19
Forget it.01:24:21
They're coming to cut
us into little pieces.01:24:22
What will we do?01:24:24
Start praying.01:24:27
Close the windows.01:24:38
Hey, Coimbras.01:24:39
We've got you trapped like rats.01:24:41
Who are you?01:24:43
Commander Van der Bosh,
and his Dogs of War.01:24:49
What do you want?01:24:50
We want the two Coimbras.01:24:52
So get them on out
here, or you're going to01:24:54
get buried under the
ruins of that house.01:24:57
Give us
time to think it over.01:25:00
You got two minutes,
that's all, then we move in.01:25:04
I'm starting the count now.01:25:08
Listen, if we all
go out together,01:25:10
they'll blast all four of us.01:25:12
If I go out with him,
they'll blast us,01:25:15
and you'll save
two million bucks.01:25:17
And we're not that dumb.01:25:20
Now if you two go
out, they'll kill you,01:25:22
and you'll take the
two million with you.01:25:24
But, if you and
little cousin go out,01:25:27
they'll kill the two
of you, which means01:25:29
big cousin and me
will be safe and rich.01:25:32
Oh, I don't like that.01:25:34
But if big cousin and me
go out, they'll kill us.01:25:36
Then the two of you
will have a ball.01:25:38
That's better.01:25:39
No, that's worse.01:25:40
Wait, this is it.01:25:43
Little cousin and big cousin
first sign our checks,01:25:46
and then they go out.01:25:48
On the button, good thinking.01:25:50
But that way we lose
our money, and our lives.01:25:54
What's the big deal?01:25:55
You can't take it
with you anyway.01:25:56
All right,
Coimbras, your time's up.01:26:04
Hey, those are blanks.01:26:06
Yeah, they want
to take us alive.01:26:09
Go away, they'll shoot you.01:26:15
Hold your fire, hold it!01:26:17
Shoot, Captain Brioche.01:26:19
I'm the Coimbra de la Coronilla!01:26:21
Y Azevedo.01:26:22
Y Azevedo.01:26:23
Oh, y Azevedo as well!01:26:26
Shoot, you clowns.01:26:27
I'm not scared of you, or
your boy scouts.01:26:32
Aw, shut up.01:26:36
What, what about us?01:26:37
What do we do?01:26:39
You got pants like these?01:26:41
You mean, linen trousers?01:26:43
Yes, I believe so.01:26:44
Okay, then put them on fast.01:26:46
And take the rings,
jackets, and ties off.01:26:49
Why?01:26:50
To save your
asses, that's why.01:26:52
I understand.01:26:53
You don't want them to know
there are four of us in here.01:26:55
You got it.01:26:56
Now let's go, come on.01:26:59
I always said my double
was smarter than yours.01:27:02
This is your last
opportunity, Coimbras.01:27:04
You come out, or I'll
unleash my War Dogs.01:27:09
Is this all right?01:27:12
Yeah, you look all right.01:27:14
Your hair.01:27:15
What?01:27:16
Oh yes, of course.01:27:18
You two guys ever
done any fist fighting?01:27:20
Mr. Wonder, I went to
school in Switzerland.01:27:22
I never fought in my life.01:27:24
Indeed, the only time
I ever raised my voice01:27:25
was when I was five years old,01:27:27
it was over some strawberries.01:27:31
Apocalypse, scout ahead.01:28:08
Drop your weapons.01:28:09
I want them alive.01:28:11
Move it!01:28:21
Cobra, Mamba, Rattler,
cover that door.01:28:23
You two, check up those stairs.01:28:24
You and you, over there.01:28:25
The rest of you, fan out.01:28:41
Hey, my shoe!01:28:47
Here's your shoe.01:28:48
Thanks.01:29:00
No, I'm Antonio Coimbra
de la Coronilla y Avezedo.01:29:15
Hey, you looking for
a job in the circus?01:29:30
Help!01:29:38
That'll teach ya to fight...01:29:51
In there. Save me.01:29:53
Hey, get him.01:30:07
Very good.01:30:16
Hey.01:30:23
Looking for someone?01:30:30
Your turn.01:30:32
One, two, three.01:30:39
Shut up.01:30:42
You, too.01:30:44
It's mine.01:30:45
It's mine.01:30:46
Okay, you can have it.01:31:22
This is the mark.01:31:24
See, it's the one right here.01:31:30
Move out of sight.01:31:35
Surprise, surprise.01:31:37
What's this?01:31:44
Put your foot in your mouth.01:31:50
Right hook.01:31:52
Now the left.01:31:53
All right.01:32:12
Come here, Bastiano.01:32:14
Slug him.01:32:16
Come on.01:32:17
Don't be afraid.01:32:19
Ah, make a dent.01:32:21
See, come here.01:33:10
Very good.01:33:11
Close the door.01:33:16
Oh, sorry.01:33:25
Such violence.01:33:27
This way.01:33:28
No, this way.01:33:37
Double whammy.01:34:09
All right, captain,
got a job for you.01:34:12
Hello,
hello, this is Bosh01:34:13
calling control, this
is Bosh calling control.01:34:17
I read you, commander.01:34:19
I got them both, they're
right here with me.01:34:21
Alive, I hope.01:34:22
Yes, very much alive.01:34:25
You'll find them in the house,01:34:26
both tied up nice and tight.01:34:28
You can
leave, commander.01:34:29
You've completed your mission.01:34:33
This is Bosh, out.01:34:54
Hello, Angel?01:34:55
Send a car to pick
us up at San Jose.01:34:58
Yeah.01:34:59
Right, thank you.01:35:04
Hey.01:35:15
Okay, he's coming.01:35:17
What should we do?01:35:18
Get out of sight.01:35:33
Hi.01:35:39
That's me.01:35:40
Awful.01:35:51
I like you better
without the mustache.01:36:03
I have nothing against
you, believe me, my love.01:36:07
It's that monster there.01:36:09
Yes, that monster.01:36:11
That starving,
voracious piranha.01:36:14
It was you!01:36:16
You ruined my father, you
completely destroyed him.01:36:18
You forced him to run away!01:36:20
I hate you, you vampire...01:36:21
Calm down, just calm down.01:36:23
Think of, think of Whitman.01:36:27
Oh yes, Whitman.01:36:30
No, it's your cousin,
he's a horrible monster.01:36:33
He's a filthy bloodsucker
without soul, without...01:36:36
That's enough.01:36:39
You've gone too far.01:36:46
Whoops.01:36:48
Does she faint often?01:36:50
Oh, we're sensitive.01:36:51
Come on, give me a hand,
you filthy bloodsucker.01:37:09
You know what, she's right.01:37:11
You're rotten.01:37:14
Oh, uh, sorry.01:37:16
You know what, she's right.01:37:18
You're rotten, cousin.01:37:20
No, it's not true.01:37:22
I was robbed.01:37:24
Two years ago in a financial
operation with other partners.01:37:27
The whole thing was conceived
by this hysteric's father,01:37:32
and one beautiful day he emptied
his safe and disappeared.01:37:36
With a dancer.01:37:37
He's living in Paris,
and in high style.01:37:40
Heh, the old man is no fool.01:37:43
He convinced his
daughter all was my fault,01:37:46
and look at the consequences.01:37:48
Well, if that's the case,
all you have to do is tell her.01:37:51
Bastiano can take care of it.01:37:53
I'm sure she'll listen to him.01:37:55
Just, uh, just try to be, uh,01:37:58
a little warmer with her.01:38:00
You think he has a point?01:38:02
Well, a blunt one.01:38:04
Okay, now, checks.01:38:06
Beg your pardon?01:38:07
Sign the checks.01:38:08
Oh.01:38:16
Oh, no no, it's just
our car picking us up.01:38:19
Go ahead.01:38:22
Right.01:38:23
What is it, 1,000?01:38:25
Million.01:38:26
And a half.01:38:27
Each.01:38:36
Let's go
blow this money before01:38:40
we find ourselves
stinking rich like them.01:38:47
Right on time, Mighty Mouse.01:38:49
Thanks, Venicio.01:38:54
You know, Tony, we should
take up boxing as a sport.01:38:57
Yes, and I should stop
my diet immediately.01:39:02
Home, Senor?01:39:03
No, take
us to the airport,01:39:05
then come back here, pick
us up, and drive us home.Description:
A jazz musician and a stunt man are the spitting image of two millionaire brothers. They take the job to replace them in Rio de Janeiro when someone plans to assassinate them. Original title: Non c'è due senza quattro Director: Enzo Barboni Writer: Marco Barboni Stars: Terence Hill, Bud Spencer, April Clough Genres: Action, Comedy, Crime, This film has English & Italian audio options. 👉 go to video settings ⚙️ to change your audio / subtitle language.
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