Download "Bo Burnham - Can't Handle This (Kanye Rant) - MAKE HAPPY Netflix [HD]"

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bo burnham
boburnham
comedy
standup
netflix
musical comedy
kanye
pringles
burritos
yeezus
yeezy
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Subtitles

00:00:00
I went to Kanye West recent tour, the
00:00:01
Jesus tour. It was a big dramatic
00:00:04
theatrical show. He did something very
00:00:06
strange at the end of his show where he
00:00:08
ranted for like 20 minutes. It was kind
00:00:10
of a rant, kind of a song. He had
00:00:12
autotune on his voice and there was an
00:00:13
instrumental in the background like this
00:00:18
instrumental. He talked about his
00:00:21
problems,
00:00:23
race,
00:00:25
power, his $90 t-shirts weren't selling
00:00:28
very well. That was most of it. And I
00:00:30
watched
00:00:31
this. I thought maybe I could do this.
00:00:34
I'll be honest, my problems not as high
00:00:37
stakes as Kanye's, but I have
00:00:40
problems. And maybe a crowd in New York
00:00:42
would be nice enough to indulge me. So,
00:00:43
as we get to the end of a night of
00:00:44
theater and comedy and sweaters coming
00:00:47
on and off, I got one question for you.
00:00:53
And that question
00:00:58
is, can I see my
00:01:02
[ __ ] New York, can I say my
00:01:07
[ __ ] I got lots of [ __ ] to
00:01:10
say. I got lots of [ __ ] to say.
00:01:20
I can't fit my hand inside a Pringle
00:01:23
can. I have a huge amount of trouble
00:01:26
fitting my hand inside of a Pringle can.
00:01:28
I can get my hand like 4 in into the
00:01:31
can, but then I have to tilt the can
00:01:32
into my mouth, but by that point, a
00:01:35
bunch of crumbs have accumulated the
00:01:36
bottom of the can, so they all go spill
00:01:39
it onto my face. What I'm trying to say
00:01:42
is the diameter of Pringle cans is way
00:01:44
too
00:01:46
I'll say it again. The diameter of
00:01:48
Pringle cans is way too small. Two
00:01:51
radiuses of a Pringle can is way too
00:01:53
small. If you feel me, put your hands
00:01:55
up. Come on. If you feel me, put your
00:01:58
hands
00:01:59
up. Look at all these hands that are way
00:02:02
too big to fit inside a Pringle can.
00:02:04
Your hands are too big to fit inside of
00:02:06
Pringle cans. Your hands are too big to
00:02:08
fit inside of
00:02:10
Pringle. You think you can. I know you
00:02:13
can. You think you can't Pringles.
00:02:15
Listen to the people. I am sure 90% of
00:02:17
the complaint letters you get are about
00:02:19
the width of your cans. Just make them
00:02:22
wider. I've overdone the Pringles thing.
00:02:26
Sorry. I want to have a
00:02:29
daughter. Want to have a
00:02:32
daughter. So I can finally have someone
00:02:34
around the house who can fit their hands
00:02:36
in a Pringle can. Yes, I'm still on the
00:02:38
Pringle cans thing. Yeah, I'll I'll move
00:02:41
on. All right.
00:02:44
But that is
00:02:48
priority. I don't go to the gym cuz I'm
00:02:51
self-conscious about my
00:02:54
body. But I'm self-conscious about my
00:02:56
body cuz I don't go to the gym. Irony
00:02:59
can be so
00:03:02
painful. That's a catch
00:03:08
22. Let's do this. Do this. Do this. Do
00:03:10
this. Do this. Do this. Do this. A win
00:03:12
at
00:03:13
Chipotle. Wed
00:03:17
Chipotle. Got myself a chicken
00:03:22
burrito. I went down the line. I got
00:03:24
like all these ingredients. And then at
00:03:26
the end of the line, the guy tried to
00:03:27
wrap the burrito, but half of the [ __ ]
00:03:29
inside the burrito spilled out. He still
00:03:31
wrapped it. I was like, "Dude, you
00:03:32
should have warned me. You're a burrito
00:03:34
expert. You should have told me halfway
00:03:36
through, hey man, you might be reaching
00:03:38
maximum burrito capacity here. Do you
00:03:40
think I want a messy burrito? No one
00:03:42
wants a messy burrito. The whole appeal
00:03:45
of a burrito is that all of the
00:03:46
ingredients are contained within the
00:03:48
confines of the tortilla. I wouldn't
00:03:51
have gotten half this [ __ ] if I knew it
00:03:52
was going to fit in the burrito. All
00:03:54
right, look. I wouldn't have got the
00:03:55
lettuce if I knew I wanted. Wouldn't
00:03:58
have got the cheese if I knew it
00:03:59
wouldn't fit. Wouldn't have got the
00:04:01
peppers if I knew they wouldn't fit. I
00:04:03
wouldn't have got God got half of it.
00:04:06
Like I'm okay with small mistakes. If
00:04:09
you got no more chicken, I'll take pork.
00:04:13
But I'll blow my dad before I eat a
00:04:16
burrito with a fork. Wouldn't have got
00:04:18
the lettuce if I knew it. Would I get
00:04:21
the cheese if I knew it? Would I get the
00:04:25
knife?
00:04:28
[Music]
00:04:30
A little half of it like half a minute
00:04:33
right now. I think it's think it's we
00:04:39
break it
00:04:41
[Music]
00:04:43
[Applause]
00:04:47
down. Wow.
00:04:52
[Laughter]
00:05:02
I can sit here and pretend like my
00:05:04
biggest problems are Pringle
00:05:07
cans and
00:05:09
burritos. The truth is my biggest
00:05:11
problems you. I want to please you, but
00:05:15
I want to stay true to myself. I want to
00:05:18
give you the night out that you deserve,
00:05:20
but I want to say what I think and not
00:05:22
care what you think about it. A part of
00:05:24
me loves
00:05:26
you. Part of me hates
00:05:28
you. Part of me needs you. Part of me
00:05:33
fears you. And I don't think that I can
00:05:36
handle this right
00:05:38
now. Handle this right now. I don't
00:05:41
think that I can handle this right
00:05:45
now. I don't think that I can handle
00:05:48
this. I don't think that I can handle
00:05:50
this. I don't think that I can handle
00:05:53
this right now. Look at them just
00:05:55
staring at me like come and watch the
00:05:58
skinny kid with a standalone declining
00:06:01
mental health and laugh as he attempts
00:06:05
to give you what he cannot give himself.
00:06:09
I can handle this. I don't think that I
00:06:12
can handle this. But they don't even
00:06:14
know the right. But they don't even know
00:06:17
the but no I'm not a doctor. I'm a
00:06:21
[ __ ] I put on a silly show. I should
00:06:26
probably just shut up and do my job. So,
00:06:29
here I go. Wouldn't have got the lettuce
00:06:31
if I knew it wouldn't. Would have got
00:06:34
the cheese if I knew it wouldn't. Would
00:06:36
have got the peppers if I knew they
00:06:38
wouldn't. Wouldn't they got that? You
00:06:41
can tell them anything. If you just make
00:06:44
it funny, make it rhyme. And if they
00:06:48
still don't under stand you then you
00:06:50
will run it one more
00:06:53
time
00:06:55
this handle
00:06:59
this you don't even know
00:07:03
this right
00:07:05
[Music]
00:07:14
now. Thank you. Good night. I hope
00:07:16
you're happy.

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