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Channel: The Late Show with Stephen Colbert

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00:00:00

welcome to the late show everybody i'm

00:00:02

your host stephen colbert

00:00:04

ladies and gentlemen it has been

00:00:09

so far it has been a rough start to the

00:00:12

school year for donald trump his report

00:00:14

card

00:00:15

is definitely going to say has problems

00:00:17

working and playing well with others

00:00:20

and there's not much we can do what can

00:00:22

we do because the oval office doesn't

00:00:24

have any corners

00:00:25

you can't put them in a timeout

00:00:29

because it's open warfare between

00:00:32

donald trump and the republicans it all

00:00:35

started

00:00:36

in an attempt to avoid open warfare with

00:00:38

north korea you see

00:00:41

secretary of state and disappointed

00:00:43

father tribute head rex tillerson

00:00:46

was in the middle of tense negotiations

00:00:50

about north korea and their nuclear

00:00:51

program when donald trump tweeted

00:00:54

that tillerson was wasting his time

00:00:57

trying to negotiate

00:00:58

with little rocket man

00:01:02

you know oh we all know everybody knows

00:01:08

[Music]

00:01:10

everybody knows there is no better way

00:01:11

to defuse a

00:01:13

tense nuclear standoff than with insult

00:01:15

humor

00:01:17

who can forget during the cuban missile

00:01:18

crisis when kennedy tweeted

00:01:20

cue ball at khrushchev and little bitty

00:01:23

don't have the balls i double dog dare

00:01:24

you going to push the button

00:01:26

[Applause]

00:01:30

hi double dog i double dog dare you i

00:01:33

double dog

00:01:35

well today in an interview with forbes

00:01:38

trump defended his actions toward

00:01:40

tillerson saying

00:01:41

he was wasting his time i'm not

00:01:43

undermining i think

00:01:44

i'm actually strengthening authority yes

00:01:48

i'm not burning your house down i'm

00:01:50

lowering your heating bills

00:01:53

now to thank him to thank him for all

00:01:57

that

00:01:58

strengthening of authority tillerson

00:02:00

called him

00:02:01

a [ __ ] but

00:02:04

allegedly allegedly

00:02:12

but today was this today this morning

00:02:15

donald trump had an answer for that too

00:02:17

i think it's fake news but if he did

00:02:20

that i guess we'll have to compare

00:02:22

iq tests and i can tell you who

00:02:25

is going to win

00:02:27

[Applause]

00:02:29

me too because we have the results of

00:02:32

their iq test right here

00:02:34

tillerson scored a 120 uh it's above

00:02:37

average not genius but still pretty good

00:02:39

and we have donald trump's results right

00:02:41

here it's a drawing of a big truck that

00:02:42

says mago

00:02:45

and there's trump right there saying

00:02:48

hong kong

00:02:50

and here's rex tillerson but trunks

00:02:53

calls him

00:02:54

rex smellerson okay so it's a toss-up

00:02:58

we're not entirely sure

00:02:59

okay into this embryoglio enter chairman

00:03:02

of the senate foreign relations

00:03:04

committee and man rehearsing hamlet bob corker

00:03:08

senator corker again this is a

00:03:10

republican

00:03:12

member of the same party as the

00:03:13

president said that tillerson

00:03:15

uh mattis and john kelly

00:03:19

are all that separates america from

00:03:21

chaos

00:03:23

that's right he believes we are in the

00:03:25

before

00:03:26

times

00:03:27

[Applause]

00:03:29

as head of the foreign relations

00:03:30

committee keep in mind corker knows

00:03:32

everything he has access to all the

00:03:35

secret

00:03:36

foreign i'm going to say stuff and he

00:03:39

has some bowel

00:03:40

loosening opinions about our president

00:03:43

in a recorded interview with the new

00:03:44

york times corker said

00:03:46

that because of trump's careless twitter

00:03:48

eruptions

00:03:50

we could be heading toward world war

00:03:52

three

00:03:53

all this time we've been worried the

00:03:55

next war would be caused by artificial

00:03:57

intelligence

00:03:58

turns out the real danger is natural

00:04:00

stupidity

00:04:02

[Applause]

00:04:06

i'll miss us i'll miss us

00:04:11

we had a good run we had a good run

00:04:14

now corker thinks the president is so

00:04:16

impulsive he has to be managed like a

00:04:18

toddler but that is ridiculous

00:04:21

our commander-in-chief proved he can be

00:04:23

trusted with the nuclear triad

00:04:25

with this mature response the failing at

00:04:28

new york times set

00:04:30

little bob corker up by recording his

00:04:33

conversation

00:04:34

was made to sound a fool that's what i'm

00:04:37

dealing with

00:04:39

what you're dealing with is a crippling

00:04:41

case of narcissistic personality

00:04:43

disorder

00:04:47

two things that and this allegedly

00:04:50

i'm not a doctor this is not the first

00:04:53

time that trump has criticized corker's

00:04:56

height with the little last year corker

00:04:58

was in the running to be in trump's

00:05:00

cabinet but

00:05:01

trump thought corker was too short to be

00:05:03

secretary of state

00:05:05

he even made him stand next to the sign

00:05:07

you must be this tall to call the

00:05:08

president a [ __ ]

00:05:11

and today today we learned that corker

00:05:14

might be on to something because

00:05:16

according to politico

00:05:17

white house aides used delays and

00:05:19

distraction to manage trump

00:05:21

chief of staff john kelly has tried to

00:05:23

limit bad decisions by blocking

00:05:25

information from the president's desk

00:05:27

and sometimes staffers would even

00:05:28

distract him with a visual aid like

00:05:30

charts on how farmers might feel about

00:05:33

ending the north american free trade

00:05:35

agreement and an executive of the trump

00:05:37

organization explains that you either

00:05:39

had to just convince him

00:05:40

something better was his idea or ignore

00:05:43

what he said

00:05:44

to do and hoped he forgot about it the

00:05:46

next day

00:05:48

because like a toddler trump lacks

00:05:50

object permanence

00:05:53

what nafta deal donald there's no nafta

00:05:55

deal it rolled behind the couch

00:05:57

it's gone forever well

00:06:08

well the next time white house staffers

00:06:11

need to distract donald trump they can

00:06:13

always show him this

00:06:14

recent report from our in-house news

00:06:17

team real news tonight jim

00:06:21

welcome to real news tonight i'm jim

00:06:22

ankerton and i'm jill news lady

00:06:24

and i'm receiving a breaking news story

00:06:27

right here

00:06:28

puerto rico is still reeling from

00:06:29

hurricane maria with 85 percent of the

00:06:31

island still without power

00:06:33

and 40 without potable water we'll have

00:06:35

more on this story tomorrow

00:06:36

or maybe in a couple of weeks maybe

00:06:39

after christmas but for now look at this chart ooh so

00:06:42

many bright colors

00:06:43

the number of smiling farmers on charts

00:06:45

is skyrocketing

00:06:46

and there's big news from north korea

00:06:48

where

00:06:50

you know what reading ahead i'm not

00:06:51

going to share this one with the

00:06:52

president let's move on

00:06:54

the latest approval numbers are in for

00:06:56

president trump and it's looking very

00:06:57

positive

00:06:58

because he's still in the positive

00:06:59

numbers we'll have more on that

00:07:01

eventually

00:07:02

but for now let's introduce the newest

00:07:04

member of the real news team

00:07:06

pepper the puppy pundit what's that

00:07:08

pepper

00:07:09

what do you mean the president is

00:07:11

killing any chance of passing

00:07:12

legislation by alienating members of his

00:07:14

own party in congress

00:07:16

pepper let's not bore the president with

00:07:18

that sort of information

00:07:19

good luck pepper on your new assignment

00:07:22

chief correspondent to the farm upstate

00:07:24

coming up webster's announces the word

00:07:25

of the year is the president's very own

00:07:27

little

00:07:28

spelled with double d's that's right

00:07:30

double d's even his hilarious nicknames

00:07:32

have large breasts i wish i had large

00:07:34

breasts so the president would love me

00:07:35

[Music]

00:07:38

thank you guys they do such a good job

00:07:40

they do such a good job

Description:

Donald Trump claims his IQ is higher than his Secretary of State Rex Tillerson's. Well, Mr. President, it's time to put your ability to calculate mathematic equations involving money where your mouth is! Subscribe To "The Late Show" Channel HERE: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCMtFAi84ehTSYSE9XoHefig?sub_confirmation=1 For more content from "The Late Show with Stephen Colbert", click HERE: https://www.cbs.com/shows/the-late-show-with-stephen-colbert/ Watch full episodes of "The Late Show" HERE: https://www.cbs.com/shows/the-late-show-with-stephen-colbert/video/ Like "The Late Show" on Facebook HERE: https://www.facebook.com/unsupportedbrowser Follow "The Late Show" on Twitter HERE: http://bit.ly/1dMzZzG Follow "The Late Show" on Google+ HERE: https://workspaceupdates.googleblog.com/2023/04/new-community-features-for-google-chat-and-an-update-currents%20.html Follow "The Late Show" on Instagram HERE: https://www.facebook.com/unsupportedbrowser Follow "The Late Show" on Tumblr HERE: http://bit.ly/29DVvtR Watch The Late Show with Stephen Colbert weeknights at 11:35 PM ET/10:35 PM CT. Only on CBS. Get the CBS app for iPhone & iPad! Click HERE: https://cbsi.my.salesforce-sites.com/CBSi/knowledgehome?ttag=mktg_CBSapp_link_youtube&categoryOne=Roku&categoryTwo=Apple_TV_AA&categoryThree=Fire_TV_AA&MainCategory=SUPPORTED+DEVICES&template=template_aa17&referer=cbs.com%2Faa Get new episodes of shows you love across devices the next day, stream live TV, and watch full seasons of CBS fan favorites anytime, anywhere with CBS All Access. Try it free! https://www.paramountplus.com/intl/?ftag=AAMa9272ff --- The Late Show with Stephen Colbert is the premier late night talk show on CBS, airing at 11:35pm EST, streaming online via CBS All Access, and delivered to the International Space Station on a USB drive taped to a weather balloon. Every night, viewers can expect: Comedy, humor, funny moments, witty interviews, celebrities, famous people, movie stars, bits, humorous celebrities doing bits, funny celebs, big group photos of every star from Hollywood, even the reclusive ones, plus also jokes.

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