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Masked Secret Police Are Not Victims | The Truth About Alex Pretti | What Would The Founders Do?

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Channel: The Late Show with Stephen Colbert

The Late Show

Late Show

Stephen Colbert

Steven Colbert

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stephencolbert

00:00:00

Welcome one and all to the late show.

00:00:02

I'm your host Steven Colbear. I want to

00:00:04

start off [cheering]

00:00:07

right up right off the bean here. I want

00:00:09

to start uh by wishing everybody a happy

00:00:11

veterans day. All of us here at the late

00:00:14

show, [applause and cheering]

00:00:16

all of us who work here at the late show

00:00:18

want to send our gratitude to those who

00:00:20

have served our nation. I wish I could

00:00:22

thank every one of our troops in person.

00:00:24

And I might get the chance when Trump

00:00:26

sends them to New York.

00:00:30

Now, I also

00:00:32

[applause]

00:00:34

got [cheering] to he's got to I also

00:00:37

want to thank everyone here in my

00:00:38

audience tonight who braved freezing

00:00:40

temperatures and the first snow of the

00:00:42

season here in New York. [cheering]

00:00:45

Those are the heroes.

00:00:51

[applause]

00:00:52

Now, they're No, no, no, not me. You're

00:00:55

the heroes.

00:00:57

I'm glad you guys are okay. I'm glad

00:00:59

you're safe. You're now safely inside

00:01:00

the Ed Sullivan Theater where it is much

00:01:02

colder.

00:01:04

>> It's not just New York. All over the

00:01:06

United States, there's the there's the

00:01:08

Arctic Clippers coming down. Folks are

00:01:10

getting hit with an Arctic blast. Down

00:01:12

south, the cold is causing all kinds of

00:01:13

problems. In Florida, residents were

00:01:16

warned that iguanas paralyzed by the

00:01:18

cold might start falling from trees.

00:01:23

as opposed to the rest of the year in

00:01:24

Florida when reptiles falling from the

00:01:26

trees are thrown by iguana Dave.

00:01:30

The guy who throws iguanas. He's also

00:01:32

the mayor of Daytona Beach. Things are

00:01:35

It's fun time. Things are getting chilly

00:01:37

up on Capitol Hill after a small group

00:01:39

of Democrats voted with Republicans to

00:01:42

end the shutdown.

00:01:45

To end the shutdown without restoring

00:01:47

health care subsidies, Democratic

00:01:49

leadership is taking heat from the rank

00:01:51

and file. Chuck Schumer, who is supposed

00:01:53

to be the leader of the Senate

00:01:54

Democrats, reportedly gave the deal,

00:01:57

quote, neither a blessing nor a curse

00:01:59

and did not direct senators on how they

00:02:02

should vote. Bold leadership

00:02:06

reminds me of the stirring words of

00:02:08

William Wallace.

00:02:10

>> THEY MAY TAKE OUR LIVES

00:02:13

OR our freedom, their choice, whatevers,

00:02:18

whatever. Now, here's the thing. It's so

00:02:22

obviously a failure of leadership.

00:02:25

Schumer is facing fury from every part

00:02:27

of the party. Moderate House members,

00:02:29

progressive senators, self-described

00:02:31

insurgents, establishment candidates,

00:02:33

not to mention low-rise governors, zatty

00:02:36

controllers, gluten-free city managers,

00:02:39

and deputy mayors on tandem bikes. It's

00:02:41

a very,

00:02:43

very big tent. The shutdown, which is

00:02:46

technically still not over, has caused

00:02:48

major chaos at airports across the

00:02:50

United States where air traffic

00:02:51

controllers have gone unpaid for so long

00:02:54

that many have had to call out of work

00:02:56

or even resign.

00:02:57

>> Trump is not happy with them. So

00:02:58

yesterday he posted, "All air traffic

00:03:01

controllers must get back to work now.

00:03:05

Anyone who does it will be substantially

00:03:07

ducked."

00:03:09

Wow, that sounds [applause and cheering]

00:03:15

>> [applause]

00:03:16

>> Man, that sounds like an awesome job.

00:03:19

Extremely high stress, understaffed, you

00:03:22

work six days a week, you don't get

00:03:23

paid, and the president attacks you in

00:03:25

public. How could it get better? Maybe a

00:03:27

donkey could kick you in the nuts while

00:03:29

it rains iguanas on your head.

00:03:31

[cheering]

00:03:33

Trump also, [applause]

00:03:35

good old iguana, Dave. [cheering] Oh,

00:03:37

we're going here. [applause]

00:03:40

Trump also let those controllers know

00:03:42

he's not going to forget them playing

00:03:43

hookie, writing, "You will have a

00:03:46

negative mark, at least in my mind,

00:03:51

against your record." Really? Really? A

00:03:55

negative mark in that mind?

00:03:58

I You know what? I'll take my chances.

00:04:01

I'll never I'll never forget your

00:04:03

disloyalty.

00:04:06

Harold Sharon

00:04:08

what's your name? Burlap accea

00:04:11

acceita meet a pino colada

00:04:14

[cheering and applause]

00:04:16

then then

00:04:20

[applause]

00:04:26

Trump let controllers know how easy it

00:04:28

would be to replace them. If you want to

00:04:30

leave service in the near future, please

00:04:32

do not hesitate to do so with no payment

00:04:35

or severance of any kind. You'll be

00:04:37

quickly replaced by true patriots.

00:04:41

Um,

00:04:45

[cheering]

00:04:47

maybe I'm alone, but I don't care if the

00:04:49

guy landing my plane is a true patriot.

00:04:51

I just want him to know what he's doing.

00:04:54

I don't want a surgeon saying, "Okay, I

00:04:56

didn't go to med school, but uh pretty

00:04:58

sure the torso is where they keep all

00:05:00

the important wet stuff.

00:05:02

Proud to be an American." [cheering]

00:05:06

Where at least where is that lung?

00:05:10

I think that's the kidney part.

00:05:13

Trump is an old nepo billionaire who

00:05:16

simply does not understand how hard it

00:05:17

is for regular people to survive these

00:05:19

days. And right now, regular people are

00:05:21

not happy. A survey measuring consumer

00:05:24

satisfaction with current conditions has

00:05:26

fallen to 52.3% this month, marking the

00:05:29

worst ever for the survey, dating to

00:05:32

1951.

00:05:34

Consumers have not felt this bad since

00:05:36

we fed our baby cigarettes.

00:05:39

Since every man's wife was named Susan,

00:05:43

since we did free throws like this.

00:05:48

Pretty good, though. [applause]

00:05:50

That's how I was taught.

00:05:52

eighth grade.

00:05:54

Trump

00:05:56

Trump is doing his best to convince

00:05:57

people that they actually like his

00:05:58

economy that they hate. For instance, he

00:06:01

keeps bragging that a Thanksgiving meal

00:06:03

basket from Walmart is 25% cheaper than

00:06:06

last year. Just one problem. It has half

00:06:08

as many items as last year. So, it's not

00:06:12

an apples to apples comparison, which is

00:06:14

good because apples are up almost 5%

00:06:16

from last year. Reminds me of the old

00:06:19

saying, an apple a day. Oh no, I'm

00:06:21

ruined. [cheering]

00:06:24

One thing, one thing Americans really

00:06:27

love is having a place to live. Um, me

00:06:29

included. I'm uh, I'm a bit of a shelter

00:06:32

head, but it's getting increasingly hard

00:06:35

to afford home ownership, which is why

00:06:36

on Saturday, Trump proposed adding a

00:06:39

50-year mortgage. And the Washington

00:06:41

Post did a math for anyone buying a

00:06:43

$400,000 house with a 10% down and

00:06:46

30-year mortgage, you would owe about

00:06:48

$2,300

00:06:50

each month. With a 50-year loan, it

00:06:52

would come down to about $2,000 a month

00:06:55

so far. So, okay. But that doesn't take

00:06:58

into account interest on that same home.

00:07:00

A 30-year loan would mean you would pay

00:07:03

$438,000 in total interest. But with a

00:07:06

50-year loan, the number jumps to

00:07:07

$816,000.

00:07:10

That's a hell of a leap. I haven't seen

00:07:12

a deal this bad since Payless ran their

00:07:14

infamous promotion, buy one, get

00:07:16

scabies.

00:07:19

That was a long walk. It's a long That

00:07:22

was a long walk. I was thirsty.

00:07:25

We got to the scabies. Well, this big

00:07:28

dumb policy that fixes nothing is the

00:07:31

brainchild of Federal Housing Finance

00:07:33

Agency director and bulldog watching

00:07:36

someone else hump his favorite leg.

00:07:38

[laughter]

00:07:40

Bill, it doesn't look happy. Bill Py,

00:07:42

here's the actual true story of how this

00:07:45

policy came to be. On Saturday, PY

00:07:47

arrived at Trump's Palm Beach Golf

00:07:49

Course with a piece of 3x5 poster board

00:07:52

in hand. That poster board had this

00:07:55

image of President Roosevelt under the

00:07:57

phrase 30-year mortgage and Trump under

00:08:00

the phrase 50-year mortgage.

00:08:03

Roughly 10 minutes later, Trump posted

00:08:06

the image to Truth Social. So, he just

00:08:08

sees a poster and 10 minutes later, it's

00:08:10

public policy. We need to get someone,

00:08:13

anyone into Mara Lago with this poster.

00:08:17

[laughter]

00:08:19

[cheering]

00:08:24

>> [cheering]

00:08:29

[applause]

00:08:30

[cheering]

00:08:36

[applause]

00:08:40

>> Uh,

00:08:42

smash burger.

00:08:45

[applause]

00:08:46

>> Wow. It's not just

00:08:49

not just homes that have become

00:08:50

unaffordable thanks to Trump's tariffs.

00:08:52

There's a new American dream just out of

00:08:54

reach. Noodles for dinner. Cuz an

00:08:57

upcoming 107% tariff means that Italian

00:09:00

pasta is poised to disappear from

00:09:02

American grocery shelves. Okay,

00:09:06

that's it. We are officially in a pasta

00:09:09

emergency. The levels go papar Defcon

00:09:13

Barilla and uh oh spaghettiios.

00:09:18

This affects uh oh spaghettiios.

00:09:21

[applause]

00:09:22

That's old. I'm old. I know. I'm old.

00:09:25

This affects all your favorite Italian

00:09:27

pasta brands from A to Z. I'm talking

00:09:31

agalia

00:09:33

barilla

00:09:34

rumo group

00:09:38

chimpanzini banani

00:09:40

bachelli cherub baby it's a mimario and

00:09:44

home alone's a job

00:09:47

while most Americans well most Americans

00:09:50

can't afford a house or pasta to cook it

00:09:52

in Trump is slathering the white house

00:09:55

in gold like an Ottoman sultan

00:09:57

freebasing nougat you

00:10:00

You may recall uh that Donald Trump

00:10:02

destroyed the east wing of the White

00:10:03

House to build a massive compensation

00:10:05

for his weird tiny penis. But

00:10:09

[cheering] something I got

00:10:13

[applause]

00:10:14

but the renovations the renovations

00:10:16

don't stop there because recently the

00:10:17

Oval Office got this new outdoor wall

00:10:20

sign that says the Oval Office.

00:10:24

Uh-oh. So, Grandpa's getting old and

00:10:26

they have to start labeling stuff just

00:10:29

to make sure he isn't too confused. They

00:10:31

also labeled the desk and Eric.

00:10:36

[cheering]

00:10:37

Yeah, [applause]

00:10:38

quite an improvement.

00:10:39

>> Yeah, upgrade.

00:10:40

>> That was nice. >> Upgrade.

00:10:42

>> Let's take a look at that Oval Office

00:10:44

sign again. Man, he loves those fancy

00:10:48

cursive letters. He even used them for

00:10:50

his stupid presidential walk of fame.

00:10:53

That's a font I call luxury assisted

00:10:55

living.

00:10:56

[cheering]

00:10:57

>> Why? Cuz that's what comes up when you

00:11:00

Google luxury assisted living fonts.

00:11:04

[applause]

00:11:05

That's just and that's just part of it.

00:11:07

>> Right. [applause] Right.

00:11:10

That's just part of Trump's extreme gold

00:11:12

makeover. Over the past few months, he's

00:11:14

covered the entire White House in gilded

00:11:16

dingle dangles. They're on the outside.

00:11:19

They're all over the inside. I mean, it

00:11:22

really looks like they're multiplying.

00:11:26

[cheering]

00:11:28

We got a great show for you tonight.

00:11:31

My guests are D and Congressman Jim

00:11:35

Clever.

00:11:36

>> [music] >> Come back. Meanwhile,

00:11:40

[music]

00:11:46

[music]

00:11:48

Heat.

00:11:53

[music]

00:12:07

[music] Hey, heat. Hey, heat.

00:12:10

>> [cheering]

Description:

Cold arctic air brought chilly weather as far south as Florida, President Trump lashed out at air traffic controllers who missed work during the government shutdown, and the administration wants Americans to believe that taking out 50-year mortgages will make homes more affordable. Subscribe To "The Late Show" Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCMtFAi84ehTSYSE9XoHefig?sub_confirmation=1 Watch full episodes of "The Late Show": https://www.cbs.com/shows/the-late-show-with-stephen-colbert/video/ Listen to "The Late Show Pod Show" podcast: https://link.chtbl.com/Awagtx95?sid=yt Like "The Late Show" on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/unsupportedbrowser Follow "The Late Show" on X: http://bit.ly/1dMzZzG Follow "The Late Show" on Instagram: https://www.facebook.com/unsupportedbrowser Watch The Late Show with Stephen Colbert weeknights at 11:35 PM ET/10:35 PM CT. Only on CBS. --- Stephen Colbert brings his signature satire and comedy to THE LATE SHOW with STEPHEN COLBERT, the #1 show in late night, where he talks with an eclectic mix of guests about what is new and relevant in the worlds of politics, entertainment, business, music, technology and more. Featuring bandleader Louis Cato and “THE LATE SHOW band,” the Peabody Award-winning and Emmy Award-nominated show is broadcast from the historic Ed Sullivan Theater. Stephen Colbert took over as host, executive producer and writer of THE LATE SHOW on Sept. 8, 2015.

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