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"videoThumbnail Trump Bails Out Farmers & Sean Duffy and RFK Jr. Pitch Airport "Improvements" | The Daily Show

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00:00:00

Welcome to the Daily Show. I'm Ryan

00:00:02

Chang. We got so much to talk about

00:00:04

tonight. Trump pretends to care about

00:00:06

soccer. Our national parks just got a

00:00:08

little extra nationalist. And RFK Jr.

00:00:11

tells you the best way to feed your baby

00:00:13

before he gives it measles. So, let's

00:00:16

get into the headlines.

00:00:19

[music]

00:00:22

Let's kick things off with national

00:00:23

parks. You know that thing you see when

00:00:26

you fall asleep in front of your Apple

00:00:27

TV? uh one of America's most treasured

00:00:30

institutions. And now the Trump

00:00:32

administration is making some exciting

00:00:34

changes.

00:00:35

>> The National Park Service this morning

00:00:37

making changes to which day Americans

00:00:39

can enter national parks for free. Now

00:00:41

adding President Trump's birthday, which

00:00:43

falls on Flag Day, and removing Martin

00:00:45

Luther King Jr. Day and also Junth. No

00:00:48

word on why these changes were made.

00:00:50

Removing MLK Day and Junth from that

00:00:53

calendar. Yeah. No word on why Trump

00:00:57

made these changes to MLK day and Junth

00:01:00

at the national parks. I mean, what

00:01:03

reason could that be? All I know is if

00:01:05

you're a black bear right now, you're

00:01:07

hibernating with one eye open. Um, but

00:01:10

at least he gave us a different free

00:01:12

day. And I know you're going to say,

00:01:14

"Boo, he's trying to make his birthday

00:01:16

into a national holiday."

00:01:20

But no, it's for Flag Day.

00:01:24

You know, Flag Day, that holiday we all

00:01:27

know and love

00:01:30

where we stop whatever we're doing to go

00:01:34

to a national park and celebrate flags.

00:01:40

And speaking of people who love the

00:01:41

great outdoors, let's talk about

00:01:43

farmers. They grow all the fruits and

00:01:45

vegetables that rot in the back of our

00:01:47

fridges. But they've had a tough time

00:01:50

lately thanks to Trump's terrorists

00:01:52

which have which have contributed to a

00:01:54

50% increase in farmers going bankrupt

00:01:56

this year. But don't worry farmers,

00:01:58

someone is coming to save you from

00:02:00

Donald Trump. It's

00:02:03

Donald Trump.

00:02:05

>> The Trump administration is giving

00:02:07

America's farmers a financial lifeline

00:02:09

as the country deals with the fallout

00:02:11

from the president's trade wars. The

00:02:13

president today unveiled a 12 billion

00:02:16

aid package for farmers. We love our

00:02:18

farmers and as you know uh the farmers

00:02:21

like me.

00:02:24

>> It's true. Farmers do love Trump. They

00:02:27

do love him. Even though he looks like

00:02:28

the villain in a movie where someone

00:02:30

loses their family farm like [laughter]

00:02:33

you know how there'll be a scene where

00:02:34

he drives up in a limo and he says to

00:02:36

the family, "This is all going to be a

00:02:37

shopping mall and I'm through with you

00:02:39

dumb hicks." And then all the farmers

00:02:41

say, "We love you, President Trump. Make

00:02:44

America great again.

00:02:47

Look, I don't know why they like him,

00:02:48

okay? Maybe it's because his son scares

00:02:50

away all the crows. I don't know. But

00:02:53

the the point is after screwing them

00:02:56

with his trade policies, he's unscrewing

00:02:59

them with a 12 billion bailout, which is

00:03:02

great. I mean, that's got to be all the

00:03:04

money they lost, right? Maybe maybe even

00:03:06

more. >> That 12 billion aid package trying to

00:03:09

help offset $44 billion in farming

00:03:11

losses this year.

00:03:13

>> Okay, hang on. Let me just

00:03:16

do some quick math here. Uh yeah, I

00:03:18

think carry the one. And yes, 12 is less

00:03:21

than 44.

00:03:24

So basically Trumped up the economy so

00:03:26

badly that now he has to bail out

00:03:28

farmers and he can only afford to give

00:03:30

them less than a third of what they

00:03:32

lost. Now how do you rate an economy

00:03:34

like that?

00:03:35

>> But I do want to talk about the economy,

00:03:37

sir, here at home and and I I wonder

00:03:39

what grade you would give economy. A+.

00:03:42

>> Yeah. A++ plus.

00:03:47

>> Amazing. A++ plus.

00:03:51

I mean, that's the same score he got in

00:03:53

his MRI. [laughter]

00:03:55

This feels like when your kid goes to

00:03:57

like a monastery school and the grading

00:03:59

makes no sense. It's like, wait, is A++

00:04:03

better than a fourleaf clover? Like,

00:04:06

what does a little cow mean? Hey, look.

00:04:09

Can you read or not?

00:04:11

>> [laughter] >> But despite all that, the farmers at the

00:04:13

White House did seem happy to be getting

00:04:15

anything at all. Although, one of them

00:04:17

did have a special request.

00:04:18

>> It's Christmas early for farmers. The

00:04:20

other day, I was reading my little boy a

00:04:23

story at night, putting him to bed, and

00:04:25

he said, "Daddy,

00:04:28

I I don't want Santa Claus to come to

00:04:30

our house for Christmas. I want

00:04:32

President Trump." [laughter]

00:04:37

[cheering]

00:04:38

Guys, of course a kid wants Trump

00:04:40

instead of Santa. Okay, you don't have

00:04:43

to be good all year to get on his nice

00:04:44

list. You just have to buy enough of his

00:04:47

crypto.

00:04:48

Also, if you think about it, Trump and

00:04:50

Santa aren't that different, right?

00:04:53

They're both old men, very famous, and

00:04:55

they've both been to Epstein Island.

00:04:57

Okay, no, relax. Okay, Santa went to

00:05:01

deliver gifts.

00:05:03

There were kids there, remember?

00:05:07

No, you what? You You think just because

00:05:09

they're sex slaves, they don't deserve

00:05:11

presents. [applause]

00:05:13

That's up. [laughter]

00:05:16

While Trump was plotting to replace

00:05:18

Santa, the first lady spent a day with

00:05:20

the OG himself. And boy, does she look

00:05:22

happier than I've seen her in a while.

00:05:25

They were at a military base to promote

00:05:27

Toys for Tots, where Melania read some

00:05:29

traditional Slovenian Christmas erotic

00:05:31

fanfiction. So with his sleigh parked

00:05:36

safely with his reindeer, Santa climbed

00:05:39

aboard my osprey and couldn't stop

00:05:42

smiling.

00:05:44

[laughter]

00:05:48

Wow, this is so hot.

00:05:52

Santa climbed aboard my Osprey and he

00:05:56

pulled out his sack of goodies.

00:06:00

Then he showed me North Pole.

00:06:03

[cheering]

00:06:05

But Christmas isn't just about Santa.

00:06:08

It's about visiting family. And Trump's

00:06:10

transportation secretary, Shawn Duffy,

00:06:12

is trying to make that a more pleasant

00:06:14

experience for everybody.

00:06:16

>> So, uh, I'm announcing at DOT, uh, that

00:06:19

we have $1 billion

00:06:21

in funding for grant programs to make

00:06:25

the experience better in airports. Maybe

00:06:28

you want to have a different lane for

00:06:30

families to get through TSA.

00:06:33

>> How are you the transportation secretary

00:06:34

and your big idea is the same one every

00:06:36

annoyed dad has at the airport.

00:06:39

It's like, "Hey, just open another

00:06:41

lane."

00:06:42

Yeah, your secretary of transportation.

00:06:45

Okay. Any more great ideas?

00:06:47

>> It might be I want to expand the play

00:06:49

areas for kids.

00:06:51

>> Expand the airport play areas. Those

00:06:54

things are basically pandemic

00:06:56

laboratories.

00:06:57

>> [laughter and cheering]

00:06:58

>> It's like, "Hey, I have an idea. How

00:07:00

about every kid from around the world

00:07:01

gets together and swaps viruses before

00:07:03

they get on a new flight?

00:07:06

You you Yeah, you [applause]

00:07:11

[cheering]

00:07:12

[applause]

00:07:13

you might as well open a Wuhan wet

00:07:15

market next to the Cinnabon. All right,

00:07:18

but

00:07:20

Okay, Sean Duffy, come on. I'll give you

00:07:22

one more try. Maybe I want a workout

00:07:24

area uh where people might get some

00:07:26

blood flowing doing some pull-ups or or

00:07:29

some stepups in the airport. [laughter]

00:07:34

You think people want to work out

00:07:38

in transit at the airport?

00:07:41

[laughter] Everyone at the airport is

00:07:42

already exhausted from traveling. All

00:07:44

right, we we can't walk to the gate.

00:07:46

They have to invent floors that walk for

00:07:48

us.

00:07:50

[laughter]

00:07:51

Also, this is the same guy who wants us

00:07:53

to dress up when we fly. So, what? Now

00:07:56

I'm doing pull-ups in a tuxedo

00:07:59

before I jump on a 12-hour flight to

00:08:01

Hawaii. [laughter]

00:08:02

Why don't you just throw in a hot yoga

00:08:04

room in the terminal so everyone really

00:08:06

smells like when they board the

00:08:07

plane?

00:08:10

And weirdly enough, everyone's favorite

00:08:12

RFK, RFK Jr. was also at this press

00:08:15

conference for some reason. What's RFK

00:08:18

Jr.'s this genius solution for making

00:08:20

airports better.

00:08:22

>> Another experience that I've had with

00:08:23

all these kids in airports is uh is the

00:08:27

availability of nursing spaces, nursing

00:08:31

pods.

00:08:33

Okay, [laughter]

00:08:35

you know, that's that's actually a nice

00:08:37

sentiment from RFK Jr. It should be more

00:08:41

convenient to nurse in public spaces.

00:08:43

And I assumed he stopped talking before

00:08:45

things got weird. All of the ingenuity

00:08:48

of corporate America has not produced an

00:08:50

infant formula that is superior in

00:08:54

nutrition and all the qualities that we

00:08:57

want to the infant formula that God

00:09:00

made, which is the infant formula in a

00:09:02

mother's breast. There is no better food

00:09:05

than what's in God-given breast milk.

00:09:11

>> Okay, he found a way to make it weird.

00:09:14

What's the nipple version of a boner

00:09:16

killer? I mean,

00:09:19

nipples are so soft right now. Um,

00:09:22

I mean, I'm surprised he didn't stop,

00:09:24

sniff the air, and then announce that a

00:09:26

nearby reporter was on her moon.

00:09:30

If RFK wasn't behind a podium, he would

00:09:32

get arrested by airport security

00:09:35

just yelling in the terminal, "Praise

00:09:38

God for mother's breaths.

00:09:44

Also, why is he saying it like he got an

00:09:46

endorsement deal with Titty Juice?

00:09:50

>> Use promo code brainworm for 10% off

00:09:54

your next sucker.

00:09:57

[laughter]

00:09:58

>> Of course, uh the press conference ended

00:10:00

the same way all government press

00:10:01

conferences do with a masculinity

00:10:04

contest. >> Check this out.

00:10:07

It's Bobby Kennedy doing pull-ups at

00:10:09

Reagan International Airport in DC.

00:10:13

>> He and Transportation Secretary Shawn

00:10:15

Duffy had a friendly pull-up competition

00:10:18

as they were encouraging travelers to

00:10:20

exercise while they wait.

00:10:24

>> Yeah.

00:10:29

>> Oh, measure your dicks. [applause]

00:10:31

Measure your dicks.

00:10:34

Now, you might think that this pull-up

00:10:35

idea is stupid, but wait till you see

00:10:37

the Department of Transportation's

00:10:39

latest video. As under secretary for the

00:10:42

Department of Transportation, we [music]

00:10:43

hear your complaints, the delays, the

00:10:45

cancellations, the hidden fees, and

00:10:47

[music] we're doing something about it.

00:10:49

Introducing one pull-up bar. When air

00:10:52

travel's got you down, pull up.

00:10:55

>> Can you just make the security line move

00:10:57

faster? >> Of course. We know the faster you get

00:10:59

[music] through security, the faster you

00:11:01

can get in line for the pull-up bar,

00:11:03

which is why we're also introducing

00:11:05

pull-up pre-check. It's to guarantee

00:11:07

you'll get your pull-ups in.

00:11:08

>> I don't want to do pull-ups.

00:11:10

>> That's fair. Fortunately, with one

00:11:12

simple adjustment, your pull-ups can be

00:11:15

chin-ups,

00:11:16

>> but then everyone on the airplane's

00:11:17

going to be [music] all sweaty.

00:11:18

>> We hear you. And that's why we're adding

00:11:20

a second pull-up bar. One that you can

00:11:23

do pull-ups on. If we're all sweaty,

00:11:25

then no one's sweaty. [music]

00:11:26

>> No. Then we're all just sweaty. How

00:11:28

about you fix delays and cancellations?

00:11:30

>> Fixing delays and cancellations is

00:11:32

complicated, but you know what's not? A

00:11:35

simple iron [music] bar between two

00:11:36

posts. I'm talking about a pull-up bar.

00:11:39

>> I know. >> From all of us at the Department of

00:11:41

Transportation and pull-ups. [music]

00:11:42

Thanks for watching. And remember, if

00:11:44

your flight's not working out, at least

00:11:46

you can work out.

00:11:48

>> But only [applause]

Description:

Ronny Chieng covers the latest on the Trump administration’s petty changes to free-entry days at national parks, the president’s promise to bail out farmers after f**king up the economy, Melania’s attempt to spread some yuletide cheer, and Sean Duffy’s Department of Transportation press conference that turned into a d**k-measuring contest against RFK Jr. 0:00 - Ronny Chieng's TDS Welcome 0:22 - Trump Changes Free-Entry Days to National Parks 1:40 - The President Unveils Aid Package for Farmers 5:16 - Melania Spreads Christmas Cheer at Toys for Tots Drive 6:05 - Sean Duffy Provides Ideas to Improve the Airport Experience 9:59 - Sean Duffy and RFK Jr. Have Pull-Up Contest at Airport Subscribe to The Daily Show: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCwWhs_6x42TyRM4Wstoq8HA/?sub_confirmation=1 Follow The Daily Show: Twitter: https://twitter.com/TheDailyShow Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/unsupportedbrowser Instagram: https://www.facebook.com/unsupportedbrowser Stream full episodes of The Daily Show on Paramount+: https://www.paramountplus.com/intl/ Follow Comedy Central: Twitter: https://twitter.com/ComedyCentral Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/unsupportedbrowser Instagram: https://www.facebook.com/unsupportedbrowser About The Daily Show: Jon Stewart and The Best F**king News Team host The Daily Show, an Emmy and Peabody Award-winning program analyzing the biggest stories in news, politics, and culture through a sharp, satirical lens. The Daily Show redefined the late night show category on TV and, with an audience of over 51M across social media platforms, has become a launching pad for some of the biggest stars in entertainment. The Daily Show airs weeknights at 11/10c on Comedy Central.

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