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00:00:00
Welcome my friends in here out there all
00:00:02
around the world to the Late Show. I'm
00:00:04
your host Steven Colbear. We are back
00:00:08
in We are back in the friendly confines
00:00:11
of the Ed Sullivan after having a little
00:00:13
bit of a break and I'm uh more tired
00:00:16
than when I left. Uh let me explain. Our
00:00:19
nation is like a a beautiful pastry
00:00:22
spread of freedom and opportunity. And
00:00:26
yesterday I got a close-up look at one
00:00:27
of the donuts that Trump has been
00:00:29
licking
00:00:31
uh uh the Kennedy Center down in
00:00:33
Washington DC. I was there last night as
00:00:36
as one of a cavalcade of comedy
00:00:39
compadres honoring our dear friend the
00:00:41
hilariously lanky Conan O'Brien who
00:00:48
received who received the Mark Twain
00:00:50
Prize for his career as a riverboat
00:00:52
gambler. Now, all the presenters, all
00:00:55
the presenters were amazing. Uh Sarah
00:00:58
Silverman, John Melany, a haunted sea
00:01:00
captain who turned out to be David
00:01:02
Letterman.
00:01:03
And it was a great night full of life
00:01:06
and love and laughs. But I got to say,
00:01:09
the mood uh down there in DC, pretty
00:01:11
grim, especially at the Kennedy Center
00:01:13
itself, where Trump recently appointed
00:01:15
himself the chairman of the Kennedy
00:01:18
Center.
00:01:21
last last week he held his first
00:01:23
official meeting with all of his
00:01:25
handpicked flunkies who he appointed to
00:01:28
the board. So he knows they're all 100%
00:01:30
loyal to him and they recorded it and
00:01:33
leaked it to the press. Now on the
00:01:35
recording we learned Trump wants to make
00:01:37
the Kennedy Center's programming
00:01:39
slightly more conservative and feature
00:01:41
more nonwoke musicals.
00:01:45
nonwoke musicals, also known as any
00:01:47
musical you take your dad
00:01:51
to. Is it over? Is it over? Did those
00:01:55
Did those kids find a way to pay their
00:02:00
rent? Talk about 5,600 minutes.
00:02:04
Okay. Trump gave some examples of the
00:02:07
nonwoke musicals he loves. Cats, Fiddler
00:02:10
on the
00:02:11
Roof, and Phantom of the Opera. Okay,
00:02:14
Mr. President, hear me out. Why not a
00:02:15
mashup of all
00:02:17
three? Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a
00:02:21
cat. Half a face mask, chandelier
00:02:34
crash. None of this is surprising
00:02:36
because as a young man, Trump dreamed of
00:02:38
being a theater producer. I would love
00:02:40
to see Trump deciding which plays to
00:02:41
produce. Let's see here. Raisin in the
00:02:44
sun.
00:02:45
Uh, how about raisin in the trash?
00:02:48
Nugget in my mouth. How about
00:02:51
that? Kennedy Center is our nation's
00:02:53
leading arts institution. So, naturally,
00:02:55
as its new chair, Trump told the board
00:02:57
about a date he took to the premiere of
00:02:58
Cats 40 years ago, saying he'd gone to
00:03:02
see Cats with somebody I should not have
00:03:04
been there with.
00:03:10
So, a
00:03:14
dog who who don't you bring to cast.
00:03:17
Trump continued to describe his love of
00:03:19
the theater. I walked in, I saw all
00:03:22
these bodies and then I noticed those
00:03:24
bodies were gorgeous. They had silk
00:03:28
tights on and they were all ballerinas
00:03:30
and women from Broadway and men. I
00:03:32
didn't find those particular bodies as
00:03:35
attractive to be honest.
00:03:37
Dude, chill. Okay, to be clear, I only
00:03:41
like the women dressed as cats, not
00:03:45
gay. I'm a red-blooded heterosexual
00:03:48
furry.
00:03:49
Meow. Meow.
00:03:53
Meow. Trump didn't. Trump didn't.
00:03:57
Really?
00:04:06
He didn't stop there. New York Times
00:04:08
released some more leaked audio and
00:04:10
surprise, it's also about cats. All of a
00:04:13
sudden, the lights go on and you see
00:04:15
these people moving so incredibly like
00:04:17
nobody can move except the professional
00:04:19
dancer. And anyway, then Betty Buckley
00:04:22
gets up and sings Cats.
00:04:25
Does he think every song in Cats is
00:04:27
called Cats? Of course, the showstopper
00:04:30
was that famous ballot about
00:04:33
memories. Cats.
00:04:36
[Applause]
00:04:38
Oh boy. Oh boy. Trump also wants to
00:04:42
change up the Kennedy Center honors
00:04:44
every year and offered an idea of who
00:04:46
might host the show
00:04:49
himself.
00:04:52
Wow. Man alive. You could have given me
00:04:55
a thousand guesses and that would have
00:04:58
been all of
00:05:00
them. I just want to point out I hosted
00:05:03
the Kennedy Center Honors. I did it for
00:05:06
three years.
00:05:09
Yeah. Went down there. Did it for three
00:05:12
years. It was a lot of fun. And I'll
00:05:13
tell you what, sir. I'm willing to
00:05:15
trade. You host the Kennedy Center
00:05:17
honors. I'll be president. I can't be
00:05:20
any
00:05:21
worse. Take on it.
00:05:24
No shake on it.
00:05:33
No, no, no, no. Y'all can't afford me.
00:05:38
Anyway, here he is floating the idea.
00:05:41
The host was always terrible. Hey, hey,
00:05:45
you never hear me calling you terrible.
00:05:50
Anyway, go ahead, Jim.
00:05:52
And believe me, I don't want to do it. I
00:05:56
don't want to do it. And I will
00:05:59
agree or zero to be the host. I don't
00:06:02
want to do it.
00:06:04
Really? Cuz it sure sounds like you want
00:06:07
to do it. You're like a guy who brought his
00:06:10
guitar to the bonfire. Oh. Oh. Oh. This
00:06:13
I mean I mean I don't I don't want to
00:06:16
play it, but uh I mean if you insist. Is
00:06:19
anyone What's that? Did Did no one say
00:06:21
blackbird?
00:06:24
[Music]
00:06:47
Trump, of course, is no spy. Always also
00:06:49
a very accomplished art critic. Last
00:06:51
night, he posted this about a portrait
00:06:54
of him that is hanging in the Colorado
00:06:56
State Capital. Nobody likes a bad
00:06:58
picture of themselves, but the one in
00:07:00
Colorado in the state capital put up by
00:07:03
the governor along with all other
00:07:05
presidents was purposely distorted to a
00:07:08
level that even I perhaps have never
00:07:10
seen before. Jim, can we can we see the
00:07:13
portrait, please?
00:07:15
Okay. Okay. I can see No. No. It's Let's
00:07:19
be fair. Let's be fair. I can see why
00:07:21
he'd be upset cuz that looks exactly
00:07:24
like him.
00:07:27
Trump Trump blames Colorado Governor
00:07:29
Jared Polus for hanging up the portrait,
00:07:32
but it was actually commissioned by
00:07:34
Colorado Republicans who raised more
00:07:36
than $10,000 through a GoFundMe account
00:07:39
to commission the portrait in 2018.
00:07:42
Here's a here's a clip from the GoFundMe
00:07:44
where the former president of the
00:07:45
Colorado Senate is asking the public for
00:07:48
their help. We figured that as a
00:07:51
populist president that you, the
00:07:54
grassroots, the everyday citizens of
00:07:57
Colorado should have a part in this. So,
00:08:01
we're going to ask you whether you can
00:08:03
do $5, $10, $25, or whatever you can
00:08:07
afford that you chip in and you help
00:08:10
make it possible to put up Donald J.
00:08:13
Trump's portrait right here in the
00:08:14
Colorado State Capital.
00:08:17
Check out our GoFundMe page and consider
00:08:20
a contribution today. In fact, I'm going
00:08:23
to donate the first $100 myself.
00:08:27
Flawless
00:08:31
Production.
00:08:33
I'm I'm going to give the first $100
00:08:36
myself and I'm going to spend that on a
00:08:38
cameraman who doesn't keep slowly
00:08:40
backing away from me. I'm going to get
00:08:42
you. I'm going to get you. I'm going to
00:08:43
get you.
00:08:54
Can't run that fast. Easy, easy, easy.
00:08:57
Hey, uh, y'all remember Canada?
00:09:04
Yeah. Well, it's still up there. And
00:09:06
Trump, uh, he he's still mad. They don't
00:09:08
want to be the 51st state. So he
00:09:10
dispatched Secretary of Homeland
00:09:12
Security and Real Housewife of
00:09:15
Guantanamo Bay, Christy Gnome. Gnome
00:09:18
recently made a visit up up north to the
00:09:19
historic Haskell-free Library and Opera
00:09:21
House. This place is kind of unique.
00:09:23
It's really lovely because as a symbol
00:09:25
of friendship between our two great
00:09:27
nations, the library straddles the
00:09:29
border of Quebec and Vermont. So half
00:09:32
the books you can check out and the
00:09:34
other half you can check
00:09:37
out. The main entrance is on the main
00:09:40
entrance, right? The main entrance is on
00:09:41
the American side. And what happens is
00:09:43
the Canadians just walk around the
00:09:45
sidewalk to get in. This system has
00:09:47
worked great for over 120 years. So, of
00:09:51
course, we're going to break it. After
00:09:53
her visit, Gnome's DHS announced it was
00:09:55
banning Canadians from the library
00:09:57
unless they pass through an official
00:09:59
border crossing first because the
00:10:01
library, she claimed, is being used by
00:10:03
drug traffickers and
00:10:05
smugglers. Or as library
00:10:10
or as librarians call them, drug
00:10:13
traffickers and
00:10:15
smugglers. It's not just Canada. Trump
00:10:17
also wants to make Greenland the 51st
00:10:19
state. He talked about it in his speech
00:10:21
to Congress that was either 3 weeks or
00:10:24
3,000 years ago. We need Greenland for
00:10:28
national security and even international
00:10:31
security. And we're working with
00:10:33
everybody involved to try and get it.
00:10:35
And I think we're going to get it one
00:10:37
way or the other. We're going to get it.
00:10:40
That's
00:10:41
uh that's pretty ominous. When he
00:10:44
decides he wants something, he will not
00:10:45
let go. I remember remember what he said
00:10:47
about that French fry that fell under
00:10:48
the Resolute Desk. One way or the other,
00:10:51
we're going to get it.
00:10:54
So this week, this week, Trump is
00:10:56
sending Second Lady Usha Vance to visit
00:10:58
Greenland. Usher, you're going to have a
00:11:00
great time. It's a lifeless pile of
00:11:03
gravel and ice just like a night of
00:11:05
passion with JD.
00:11:09
Now
00:11:11
just we got a great show for you
00:11:14
[Music]
00:11:15
[Applause]
00:11:18
tonight bestselling author Roxan Gay.
00:11:21
Come back. It's meanwhile.
00:11:25
[Applause]
00:11:30
[Music]
00:11:45
[Applause]

Description:

President Trump wants The Kennedy Center to produce "non-woke" musical theater, Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem staged a childish and insulting event on Vermont's border with Quebec, and Trump is sending Second Lady Usha Vance to visit Greenland for reasons that are still unclear. Subscribe To "The Late Show" Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCMtFAi84ehTSYSE9XoHefig?sub_confirmation=1 Watch full episodes of "The Late Show": https://www.cbs.com/shows/the-late-show-with-stephen-colbert/video/ Listen to "The Late Show Pod Show" podcast: https://link.chtbl.com/Awagtx95?sid=yt Like "The Late Show" on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/unsupportedbrowser Follow "The Late Show" on X: http://bit.ly/1dMzZzG Follow "The Late Show" on Instagram: https://www.facebook.com/unsupportedbrowser Watch The Late Show with Stephen Colbert weeknights at 11:35 PM ET/10:35 PM CT. Only on CBS. --- Stephen Colbert brings his signature satire and comedy to THE LATE SHOW with STEPHEN COLBERT, the #1 show in late night, where he talks with an eclectic mix of guests about what is new and relevant in the worlds of politics, entertainment, business, music, technology and more. Featuring bandleader Louis Cato and “THE LATE SHOW band,” the Peabody Award-winning and Emmy Award-nominated show is broadcast from the historic Ed Sullivan Theater. Stephen Colbert took over as host, executive producer and writer of THE LATE SHOW on Sept. 8, 2015.

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