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00:00:01
But that's inevitable.00:00:04
[bell]00:00:06
Staint Nick is feeling really00:00:08
unprepared. Saint Nick comes tonight. I00:00:10
also heard from a little birdie that00:00:11
Staint Nick is going through a really00:00:13
rough time of the month. If you're00:00:14
catching my snow drift, Saint Nick is00:00:16
tired. Staint Nick is feeling lazy.00:00:18
Staint Nick is feeling bloated. Staint00:00:19
Nick is feeling unmotivated. Plug your00:00:21
kids ears. I am Saint Nick. I do not00:00:24
have a single stocking stuffer. We have00:00:25
to fix that. I mean, if one thing hasn't00:00:27
changed since 2019, I'm going to be00:00:29
doing this stuff last minute, which I00:00:31
should really work on. Sometimes it's00:00:33
just easier to procrastinate. I also got00:00:35
my period late last night, and it made00:00:38
so much make sense. At my next00:00:40
psychiatrist appointment, I will be00:00:42
asking about PMDD the week before I get00:00:44
my period. It's so bad. I'm not talking00:00:46
like a little bit [ __ ] a little bit00:00:48
angry, a little bit sensitive. No, no,00:00:50
no, no. I don't know her. I get00:00:52
extremely depressed, extremely angry00:00:54
over literally nothing. I pick fights.00:00:56
I'm actually a miserable person to be00:00:58
around. I refuse to just believe that00:01:00
that's normal. I definitely feel like it00:01:02
has gotten worse since I've had MJ. I00:01:04
don't remember it being a thing before I00:01:05
had a baby. But there has to be a00:01:07
reason. I've always been the biggest00:01:08
advocate of mental health. It's not your00:01:10
fault. But as an adult, you do have the00:01:12
tools to do something about it. Where00:01:14
the problem starts is if you just start00:01:15
to like blame being a shitty person to00:01:17
people on your mental health as a way to00:01:19
justify it. You can give yourself grace00:01:22
while also trying to make sure you're00:01:24
not hurting other people because of your00:01:26
own struggles. So, I've been a bit of a00:01:28
[ __ ] the past 3 days, probably longer00:01:30
than that. But, good morning. Okay,00:01:32
wait. Previous years, I go Staint Nick00:01:34
shopping at like 2:00 in the morning.00:01:35
It's 10:00 a.m. I have all day. In00:01:37
reality, I'm ahead of schedule. Andrew00:01:39
is sleeping. MJ is sleeping. There are00:01:41
things I should probably be doing, but I00:01:43
have a really good idea of what we00:01:44
should do first. Can you guess what it00:01:46
is? Like the decision between spending00:01:48
his nap time crocheting and or doing00:01:51
things to fill my cup or spend his nap00:01:53
time cleaning, getting work done,00:01:56
picking up the house, being a good00:01:58
little stay-at-home mom.00:02:02
I think that solves a problem. Come with00:02:04
me. We have things to do. Who's alive?00:02:07
>> There he is. Miss America. Mr. America,00:02:11
I need my Celsius. I mean, does my face00:02:13
look better? Well, better, not good. It00:02:15
just looks a different shape. Yeah. They00:02:18
don't even know what you're talking about. Wait, I'll zoom it out so it00:02:20
gives you that really skinny effect.00:02:22
>> I, your boy Andrew, have a tumor on my00:02:25
face. I woke up with it yesterday.00:02:27
>> It looks better.00:02:28
>> It does. >> Yes, >> you guys. Okay, go watch what video.00:02:30
>> All of them.00:02:32
>> Guys, it was huge. It was so bad.00:02:33
However, I am getting one on this side00:02:35
now. >> No, you're not. >> Yeah. It must be like sleeping with cat00:02:38
spirits. >> Are attacking you in your sleep?00:02:40
>> No, she she liked me.00:02:41
>> Did she?00:02:42
>> Yeah. Your baby doesn't. MJ actually00:02:44
hates Andrew. He00:02:46
>> like can't be in the same room as me.00:02:47
>> That's something like I wish I could00:02:48
show you cuz it's hilarious. If Andrew00:02:49
walks in the room, he will be having the00:02:51
best morning, best time of his life.00:02:52
Andrew walks in, he gives him the00:02:54
nastiest look and then goes,00:02:59
"Can you get me nicer pajamas? I need00:03:01
nicer pajamas cuz like why am I going to00:03:03
spend money on clothes that I'm not even00:03:05
be like conscious wearing?00:03:06
>> I live in pajamas.00:03:15
This is going to change your coffee00:03:17
game. Can't live without [music] it. A00:03:19
little bit of milk in the cup so the00:03:20
espresso shot doesn't burn.00:03:25
[music]00:03:27
>> Wait, it's doing such a good job. Are00:03:30
you treating everything like a baby now?00:03:32
>> Quick, quick, quick, quick. Don't burn.00:03:33
Don't burn. I don't have any like00:03:36
Christmas creamers. We're going to do00:03:38
toffee nut. Sounds holidayy.00:03:46
>> Come. No, I don't want you to try cuz00:03:47
you brush your teeth.00:03:48
>> Andrew's a cereal, not toothbrusher.00:03:51
>> That's the craziest [ __ ] thing I've00:03:52
ever heard. I brush my teeth twice a day00:03:55
every day. >> When does the first one take place?00:03:57
>> Always when I wake up. But here, you're00:03:58
like, "GET UP. WE'RE going on a walk.00:04:00
Let's00:04:01
>> That was one day." Yeah, I didn't even I00:04:03
went00:04:04
>> I know, but [laughter] my anxiety. Can I00:04:07
just try it? >> No,00:04:08
>> I brushed my teeth. No, you didn't.00:04:09
>> Yes, I just ate plain tin chips.00:04:11
>> How does that help your not teeth00:04:13
brushing situation?00:04:14
>> How do you think animals00:04:15
>> You said you only brush your teeth in00:04:16
the shower?00:04:17
>> I did not say I only brush my teeth in00:04:18
the shower. I said I'm brushing my teeth00:04:20
in the shower.00:04:21
>> So, have you showered?00:04:22
>> No. >> So, you haven't brushed your teeth?00:04:23
>> That was yesterday.00:04:24
>> Yeah, you have to brush them again.00:04:25
That's like a daily occurrence.00:04:26
>> No, yesterday I [laughter] was brushing00:04:28
it in the shower. Today I brushed them00:04:30
and I woke up.00:04:31
>> Mhm. Fine. [ __ ] DSL nasty ass.00:04:34
>> Thank you.00:04:35
>> It's getting like Sherwin Williams.00:04:37
>> What's that? >> The paint store. [clears throat] here at00:04:39
Sherwin Williams. Oh, wait. No, that's00:04:41
David Bry. I wasn't listening to the00:04:43
last thing you said.00:04:44
>> You're going to get ready in 15 minutes.00:04:46
That's what you just said. I'm going to00:04:47
start a timer right now.00:04:48
>> Okay, hold on. Hold the phone there.00:04:50
It's 15 minutes from when like the00:04:52
bathroom door shuts to when the bathroom00:04:53
door opens.00:04:54
>> No, then that's 15 minutes for one part00:04:56
of your getting ready routine, not for00:04:57
the entire getting ready routine.00:04:59
>> Well, you have [ __ ] 1,000 stairs.00:05:00
It's going to take me 20 minutes just to00:05:02
get up the stairs. >> There's 19 of them.00:05:04
>> Actually, more than I thought. That's00:05:05
crazy. [laughter] MJ spilled his bottle00:05:07
on the ground this morning. Dunan is00:05:08
just licking the carpet. The dreaded00:05:10
outfit picking outing time of the day.00:05:12
What would Sam in 2019 wear during00:05:15
Vlogmas? Do any of these give Vlogmas00:05:17
2019?00:05:19
This for sure. I fear it would be so00:05:22
unflattering, but that might be the00:05:23
point. Let's try it. Let's see. Forgot00:05:25
to bring my camera upstairs. Can you see00:05:27
the slice across my face? Can you see00:05:29
it? That's from my child dragging his00:05:31
teeth and slicing open my face. I lived00:05:33
in Wisconsin when I wore stuff like00:05:35
this. This is Florida. I will melt. One00:05:37
second,00:05:39
y'all. I'm a little bit triggered. One00:05:41
thing would make it better. Come on.00:05:44
I'll actually have the worst day if I00:05:45
force myself to wear this. It is giving00:05:47
2019 Vlogmas. But I would like to not be00:05:50
triggered today. Maybe if I didn't have00:05:52
my period. I'm just too sensitive right00:05:53
now for that.00:05:54
>> I'm making you some lunch. Well, I'm not00:05:56
making it. Factor is. So, thank them. I00:05:59
guess this is the outfit we've settled00:06:01
on. It's just a skim set. I was going00:06:03
for Staint Nick vibes. I wanted to make00:06:05
lunch before we left the house. The air00:06:07
quotes were only used because I didn't00:06:09
make this. Factor did, but all I had to00:06:11
do was heat it up in the microwave for 300:06:12
minutes. We've become a factor family.00:06:14
Y'all have seen me probably eat like my00:06:16
weight in factor meals at this point.00:06:18
They're so easy. We're about to leave00:06:20
the house. I like to do so not starving.00:06:22
It keeps me from making bad decisions.00:06:24
When he's bigger, I'll make both of us a00:06:26
factor meal, but he's still so little00:06:28
that like we can share it. I don't think00:06:30
we've ever had this one. Green chili00:06:32
queso and chicken thigh fucili. This kid00:06:34
loves pasta and broccoli. I'm going to00:06:36
eat this. He's going to eat this. Some00:06:38
days he eats more than others. He seems00:06:40
hungry. Let me try a bite. Let me give00:06:42
you my review.00:06:44
M. One more for good measure. That's00:06:48
nice. I'm usually not a big vegetable00:06:50
person. Like I've learned how to make00:06:51
vegetables the way that I like them.00:06:52
Factor is also somewhere that I know00:06:54
that I'm going to love their veggies no00:06:55
matter what they are. If you don't know00:06:57
what Factor is, where have you been?00:06:59
Factor delivers fresh, never frozen,00:07:01
dietitionian approved, and chef crafted00:07:04
meals to your door every week. And00:07:06
they're ready to eat in just 2 minutes.00:07:08
I use them for lunches, and it makes the00:07:10
middle of the day so much less stressful00:07:12
because cooking and planning your meals,00:07:14
cleaning it all up, especially when you00:07:16
have a little one can just take a lot of00:07:18
time. Factor allows you to have that00:07:20
freedom back while also still making00:07:22
good healthy choices for your meals. As00:07:24
a binge eater, factor has saved me a00:07:26
plethora of times from binges. It is00:07:28
just so convenient to already have a00:07:30
well-rounded fresh meal that I know is00:07:33
in my fridge that I can make and have00:07:35
ready in literally minutes. I've had a00:07:37
Factor box showing up at my house every00:07:39
single week for years. Factor meals are00:07:41
made with real food and real00:07:43
ingredients. He wants to be held.00:07:44
They're made without refined seed oils,00:07:46
refined sugars, [snorts] or artificial00:07:48
colors or sweeteners, which makes me00:07:49
feel very confident in giving them to00:07:51
him for lunches and allowing him to eat00:07:53
them with me. Yeah. Factor bands over00:07:57
175 ingredients, focusing on00:07:59
nutrient-dense foods that support00:08:01
lasting energy, strength, and overall00:08:03
wellness. Factor is something I have put00:08:05
on every single person in my life. Their00:08:07
food genuinely tastes good. I look00:08:10
forward to eating factor meals. If you00:08:12
guys want to try out Factor, you can00:08:13
head to factor75.com00:08:16
or you can click the link below in my00:08:18
description box and use code Samantha00:08:20
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plus free breakfast for a year. Thank00:08:35
you Factor for sponsoring this video. I00:08:37
love you guys so much. We're going to00:08:38
finish eating our lunch. Hopefully by00:08:40
then Andrew will be ready. I'm pretty00:08:42
much ready. I could use some earrings,00:08:43
you know, feel girly. I could redo my00:08:45
hair and then it's time for us to get00:08:47
out of here, you know, hit the town, get00:08:49
these stocking stuffers. Like we got a00:08:50
lot of stores to go to. Hopefully he's00:08:53
up for it. I changed my clothes. We00:08:54
ditched the Santa outfit.00:08:55
>> Do you too? I changed my pajamas and I00:08:57
did my hair.00:08:58
>> My coffee didn't hit. I needed a pickme00:09:00
up. >> Speaking of, actually, can I say my00:09:01
conspiracy theory now?00:09:02
>> Yes, please. Because I need to not be00:09:03
anxious about it.00:09:04
>> I've been telling Sam all day that I00:09:06
have a conspiracy theory about her and00:09:07
I've been waiting to be on camera to00:09:09
tell her. When Sam does a slick back00:09:11
bun, she is not Samantha. She's I need00:09:14
to give her like Sonia. You have a slick00:09:15
back bun. You are so much more serious.00:09:17
You're not like silly and goofy. You're00:09:20
like anxietyridden, like in a bad mood00:09:22
almost. Anytime you have a slick back,00:09:23
clock it. Someone clock it. Never.00:09:25
>> In today's defense, it's a period.00:09:27
Taiwan subconsciously like pulling on00:09:29
your scalp.00:09:30
>> Has anybody used this on butt acne? I'm00:09:32
asking for a friend.00:09:34
>> Andrew got me now. There's a huge hole00:09:35
[music] in my pants. Can you see it?00:09:39
>> Sam, someone just walked by as she was00:09:41
doing that.00:09:43
>> Okay. What are we filming?00:09:44
>> We just filmed the video for Andrew's00:09:45
channel. I'll probably be out after00:09:47
this.00:09:48
>> I'm actually panicking.00:09:49
>> It's the next day. Headed to Saturday,00:09:51
which means dad is home. I don't have a00:09:52
baby with me. I'm a free woman. We could00:09:54
do anything we want. I'm still in00:09:55
pajamas.00:09:56
>> She's free.00:09:58
>> Free as a bird. I want to fly away.00:10:02
>> I hate being on the edge of that camera.00:10:03
Look at it. >> It's not my angle.00:10:04
>> I am. My arm is so sticky.00:10:06
>> It's upset because he had to dump the00:10:08
drinks out. >> I have like a thing where like I need to00:10:10
wash my hands a million times. And if00:10:12
anything gets on my hands, I have to00:10:13
wash them. If you have watched my00:10:15
videos, you know like when I go to the00:10:16
movie theaters, I bring a glove so I can00:10:18
eat the popcorn with a glove. No, you00:10:19
don't. >> Yes, I do. Because I know I'm going to00:10:21
be sitting there eating popcorn and I00:10:22
won't be able to sit there with greasy00:10:23
fingers. I'm crazy. I think it's a00:10:25
little bit OCD.00:10:26
>> We all have our quirks.00:10:27
>> I have all the letter. I have00:10:28
>> our vices.00:10:29
>> DSL, OCD, ADHD, BDE, HIV,00:10:34
>> AID.00:10:35
>> That's [ __ ] up.00:10:36
>> No, I can't laugh. Them bubbles.00:10:38
>> Ew. Sam, speaking of HIV, keep that [ __ ]00:10:40
in.00:10:41
>> What I'm about to do, I'm doing for you.00:10:43
We're going to Duncan. Their holiday00:10:45
drinks just taste like sugar. And maybe00:10:47
that's why 2019 Samantha couldn't get00:10:49
enough. >> Anything's better than suede. Oh,00:10:51
[music] wait. Can I get a00:10:52
>> Oh, wait. They have a bunch of fun ones.00:10:53
>> Not a snack right now.00:10:54
>> Hi. >> Hi. How are you?00:10:56
>> Good. How are you? >> We're good. Could I get a small toasted00:11:00
white chocolate latte, please? Iced. And00:11:03
could it be half sweet?00:11:05
>> I got you, boo. You want the signature,00:11:06
right? >> Um, yes, but no whipped cream, please.00:11:08
So, >> no whipped cream.00:11:09
>> Yes, please. But you still want the00:11:11
caramel drizzle and the cinnamon on top.00:11:12
>> Uh, sure.00:11:13
>> Okay, boo.00:11:14
>> Um, one second. >> I'm having a brain fart. What are the00:11:16
wake up wrap?00:11:17
>> Yeah. >> Should I do bacon or sausage?00:11:19
>> One of each.00:11:20
>> Could we get one bacon wake up wrap and00:11:23
one sausage one, please? Thank you,00:11:26
Andrew. >> I don't know where my money is.00:11:27
>> Oh, good. Finally,00:11:29
>> sugar daddy.00:11:30
>> But you will like you will be upset. I00:11:32
know. Like what? That's never going to00:11:33
happen.00:11:34
>> This is for the nostalgia.00:11:36
>> Yeah, but you need to be in a hoodie00:11:37
with your hair up and glasses on. the00:11:39
hoodie up to here.00:11:40
>> No, please.00:11:41
>> It was very graceful. This is the drink00:11:43
that Samantha Joe in 2019 swore was so00:11:45
good. A toasted white chocolate latte.00:11:48
>> Okay, I just want to say that and I00:11:49
always have to say I am the one who00:11:51
turned Samantha Joe onto Duncan and00:11:53
coffee in general. It was Vlogmas 201800:11:55
and you came to visit me in New York and00:11:57
I made you get a frozen colada. So, it00:11:59
was hardly coffee. I cannot imagine how00:12:01
much sugar00:12:02
>> and I can't imagine how much you [ __ ]00:12:03
your pants00:12:04
>> and they were long like large and in00:12:05
charge how much I [ __ ] my pants and I00:12:07
was in my no shower era.00:12:08
>> That's a whole that's a whole thing.00:12:10
>> It's fine. You want to try it first?00:12:11
>> No. Look. Can I teach you how to mix?00:12:13
But a lot of people don't know. It's not00:12:14
like this. That does nothing. You have00:12:15
to make the bottom move and that's how00:12:17
all the bottom00:12:18
>> Yeah, but I scrape it off with a straw00:12:20
first. >> Yeah, but you got to do this. When the00:12:22
bottom moves is when it actually mixes.00:12:23
This just vibrates it.00:12:25
>> It's exactly what we like.00:12:27
>> Okay. That isn't your angle.00:12:29
>> What? >> No. No, no, no. This is a good angle.00:12:30
Sorry. I don't want to make you00:12:31
insecure. This is great. Is not. You00:12:33
look just like a parrot. Beacon all.00:12:36
>> This is good. >> Is it?00:12:37
>> Yeah. And I'm actually shocked. That's00:12:39
actually good. >> It is very good. Could be even less00:12:41
sweet.00:12:42
>> Of course, >> but I've never gotten it with the00:12:44
drizzle and the cinnamon sugar. And the00:12:46
cinnamon sugar is making that.00:12:48
>> Like I would never order it, but I could00:12:49
drink the whole thing. It's good.00:12:50
>> That's not bad. But it is just like a00:12:52
dessert drink.00:12:54
>> Wait, it looks so cool.00:12:55
>> This looks like your period in the00:12:56
toilet. The strings you were talking00:12:57
about. >> TMI. No,00:12:58
>> this is a huge hole in the top.00:13:00
>> That's why you you're doing it wrong.00:13:02
>> I'm doing it. You just taught me. I went00:13:03
to class.00:13:04
>> But you're still moving your whole arm.00:13:05
Keep your elbow in the same spot, your00:13:06
wrist in the same spot. Yeah, I went to00:13:08
class.00:13:09
>> This is just a pink drink. Ew.00:13:12
>> I don't like that.00:13:13
>> I hate that stuff.00:13:14
>> If that was less strawberry, I wouldn't00:13:16
mind it. It would taste like strawberry00:13:17
milk, but it's too00:13:18
>> That is a That's awful.00:13:19
>> That is too strawberry.00:13:20
>> Final one.00:13:21
>> Can't imagine this one's going to be any00:13:22
better.00:13:23
>> No, that one The refreshers are good. I00:13:24
love their like the Duncan energy drinks00:13:27
are really good. Oh, that's energy00:13:28
drink. >> No, this one's a refresher.00:13:30
>> Why do they have that in the winter?00:13:31
>> That's good.00:13:32
>> That is good. >> That's really good.00:13:33
>> It's like lemonade. Like a flavored00:13:34
lemonade.00:13:35
>> Yeah, that's good, too. >> I'm surprised. I would get this. Wow,00:13:37
I'm impressed. >> Me, too. Okay. I was expecting us to00:13:39
like [ __ ] on it. It was pretty good.00:13:40
>> Especially after Swig.00:13:41
>> Yeah. Okay. That's way better than Swig.00:13:43
Except for that. I would drink any and00:13:44
all of the Swig drinks before I would00:13:45
drink that.00:13:47
>> Damn, that's a long way. Everything is00:13:50
right in the world. I have acquired a00:13:52
Christmas candle. I've been burning a00:13:53
fall candle and it just feels criminal.00:13:56
I need a Christmas candle going. We've00:13:58
got fur and firewood from Capri Blue.00:14:00
Now we can make our Christmas ornaments.00:14:02
Who was going to tell me that having a00:14:03
10-month-old is so much harder than00:14:05
having a newborn? Or is that an00:14:07
unpopular opinion? I was just going00:14:08
through all of the footage that I have00:14:10
for this video. When I tell you that00:14:11
every single day, my goal has been to00:14:13
get good clips for a YouTube video. And00:14:15
I can tell by looking at all of this00:14:17
footage, like I start off the morning so00:14:19
optimistic. Most of the clips that I00:14:21
have acquired have been from the00:14:22
morning. By the middle of the day, I can00:14:23
tell that I've been a little bit00:14:24
overwhelmed because most of the filming00:14:26
stops about midday. This first video00:14:28
might be, for the lack of better words,00:14:30
a cluster. But we are trying. Yesterday,00:14:32
we went to go gather all the stuff for00:14:34
the stockings, right? I think I filmed00:14:36
two clips out in public, mostly just00:14:38
because MJ was not happy. Something00:14:40
happens to my body when he is upset. I00:14:43
cannot think about anything else but00:14:45
helping him. I was not very successful00:14:46
in filming our outing. I also really00:14:48
didn't get that much. I kind of realized00:14:50
like what the hell do you put in a00:14:52
baby's stocking? And then I forgot to00:14:54
fill them up last night. Good thing he's00:14:55
only 10 months old so I can do it00:14:57
tonight and he's not going to know the00:14:58
difference. I kind of thought about just00:15:00
waiting and doing the stockings on00:15:02
Christmas especially because this year00:15:04
like he doesn't know. Why are the00:15:05
holidays stressful? I mean the only00:15:07
person making them stressful is me. Like00:15:08
they don't have to be stressful. Me and00:15:10
Andrew are trying to get videos filmed.00:15:11
Like we love filming together. We want00:15:13
to have a couple of like fun not vlogs00:15:16
done. You can come on. Come on. This is00:15:19
just for the regular vlog though that I00:15:21
have a million different clips up. I've00:15:22
made coffee like three times for the00:15:24
video. >> I shaved my toes in case my feet are00:15:26
going to be on camera. >> I don't even think about the fact that00:15:27
they're going to see my toes.00:15:29
>> You try to show your feet any chance you00:15:31
get. >> I Why don't I have a wiki feet yet?00:15:32
>> You have a foot fetish, but with showing00:15:34
your feet. >> Yeah, cuz I hate feet. But if you want00:15:35
to pay for mine, then I'll take the cash00:15:37
out. >> Will you hold hands with mine?00:15:38
>> No. Absolutely. No, I actually won't00:15:39
touch your feet. I made some salt dough.00:15:41
We're going to make reindeer feet00:15:42
ornaments. You know, like the ones you00:15:44
make for little babies, but we're going00:15:45
to make them with our feet. I don't know00:15:47
if anyone knows. I know what I'm going00:15:48
to paint mine.00:15:49
>> Reindeer.00:15:50
>> Oh, well, you saw some people did00:15:51
Christmas trees. >> Those like the cute ones for babies.00:15:54
>> I was going to do mine like a slice of00:15:55
pizza. Pizza. [laughter]00:15:57
>> But I just made this dough. So, we're00:15:58
going to film that. Like that'll be its00:16:00
own video. And then earlier, Wait, I00:16:01
think I said that we tried out the big00:16:03
holiday drinks for his and like became00:16:05
Mormon for a second.00:16:06
>> Yeah. Also, you are crazy. Do you see00:16:08
how like that would I would die?00:16:10
>> Um, have you not heard me say that 1000:16:12
times?00:16:13
>> Straight in person, not on camera. No,00:16:15
they are not straight on person.00:16:16
>> Me on camera. They're crazy.00:16:18
>> No, they go up like this and it drives00:16:20
me up a wall. These two are great. The00:16:22
effort it took me to get up there the00:16:24
first time. And we also have peelers.00:16:26
>> I'm not excited about those. You guys00:16:28
know those like viral Tik Tok candies00:16:30
where like you can peel the outside off00:16:31
and then eat the middle, but you can00:16:33
also eat the outside, but it just all00:16:34
looks like [ __ ]00:16:35
>> I didn't know what they were and he00:16:36
showed me yesterday and I saw what the00:16:39
inside looked like and I was about to00:16:40
throw up and then I remembered that we00:16:42
got a giant one. It's like the size of00:16:43
an apple.00:16:44
>> It looks like00:16:45
>> No. And I know what you're going to say.00:16:46
>> What?00:16:48
>> Oh,00:16:50
>> that's not what I thought you were going00:16:51
to [laughter] say.00:16:52
>> We're going to go film that video. We're00:16:53
just going to keep going. Just know if I00:16:55
had like daycare or something, this00:16:57
would be a different story.00:16:58
>> Yeah,00:16:59
>> he hates you. If he is around, MJ's00:17:01
pissed. It's gotten better.00:17:03
>> It's getting better.00:17:04
>> He's teething. He's gotten four teeth in00:17:06
the past like month. I'm doing my best.00:17:07
>> I think you're doing really good. For00:17:09
real. I was actually thinking like out00:17:10
of anyone I know who's had a baby, I00:17:11
think you are like handling and00:17:13
performing being a mom the best out of00:17:15
anyone I've known to have a kid.00:17:17
>> Really? >> Genuinely like and you know I will take00:17:20
a chance to dig at you any any chance I00:17:22
get. >> Yeah, I haven't stopped thinking about00:17:23
my ears.00:17:24
>> Oh my god, that was a [laughter] joke.00:17:26
No, you're very very very very very You00:17:28
have it all under control.00:17:29
[clears throat] Little messy. Little00:17:30
messy.00:17:31
>> I was going to say that's a crazy00:17:32
[laughter] statement.00:17:33
>> But like you don't like panic like00:17:34
everyone else does. You're like so like00:17:36
calm with it. like you you don't overt00:17:38
my00:17:39
>> Well, cuz like Adriana was such a good00:17:40
mom. Of course, when he was sleeping, we00:17:42
would have to be like she like didn't00:17:44
like expose him to, you know, she was00:17:46
very like00:17:47
>> that's probably why like every time you00:17:48
made a noise, you go00:17:49
>> It's okay. I swear she liked you.00:17:51
>> Unfortunately, I'm really used to people00:17:52
not liking me. So,00:17:53
>> standing at the edge of the frame is a00:17:55
crazy choice. >> I know. Oh my god, guys. I looked. Hold00:17:57
on, guys. I promise you I'm not that00:17:59
fat. Look. Oh my. Look at the00:18:01
difference. [laughter]00:18:02
>> Go stand over there again.00:18:03
>> Oh my god.00:18:05
That difference is00:18:06
>> Wait, I should stand here. Oh,00:18:08
>> where'd she go?00:18:09
>> I do not have the time to measure out00:18:11
the beans this morning.00:18:21
>> Here he comes. [music]00:18:25
Coffee.00:18:28
Let's see if Vlogmas, we're using air00:18:30
quotes, is our first day of Vlogmas00:18:31
going to be a good day or a bad day.00:18:32
It's a lot of pressure to put on a00:18:34
coffee.00:18:37
It's not [clears throat] holiday themed00:18:38
whatsoever, but it's a darn good coffee.00:18:41
Dad. >> Dad. Can't have this.00:18:43
>> And you can't bite.00:18:45
>> Cheers to everybody who definitely needs00:18:47
a coffee this morning.00:18:48
>> Mama.00:18:49
>> Mama. All I'm doing is waiting for00:18:50
Andrew to wake up. Should I expose him00:18:52
and tell them what time it is? 11:37.00:18:54
There was a time, unless I was filming00:18:56
some like 5:00 a.m. incredibly fake00:18:59
morning routine, I would sleep till00:19:00
noon. I was depressed. I actually don't00:19:03
think I've slept past 7 in almost 200:19:05
years. Turn around. Come to mama. Come00:19:07
to mama.00:19:08
>> Yeah. Good job. Yeah.00:19:11
>> Good job. I am forcing myself to watch00:19:15
2019 Vlogmas. The fact that this was 600:19:18
years ago. I don't remember her. Life is00:19:20
so different. I think for the better.00:19:22
Some of you think otherwise. Not my00:19:24
problem. I [ __ ] nailed this coffee00:19:26
this morning. Andrew told me to watch00:19:27
these videos like 3 days ago. I said no.00:19:29
Absolutely not00:19:31
>> because it would trigger me. I know how00:19:33
depressed that person was. To me, it's00:19:35
apparent, but I don't know that some of00:19:36
you guys knew how un okay I was. I mean,00:19:38
I'm only 2 minutes and 40 seconds in.00:19:40
I'm not triggered yet. Like, the farther00:19:41
removed I get from it, I'm able to like00:19:44
appreciate her. Every single choice she00:19:47
made is why I'm sat here right now.00:19:48
There are also parts of her that I do00:19:51
miss in me. I fear I may have protected00:19:53
my piece a smidge too much. I'm trying00:19:55
to let loose a little and to just be me,00:19:57
even if that's a little wonky. The goal00:19:59
is to maybe bring out some of those00:20:01
parts of her that still exist in me. I00:20:03
am her and she is me. We've just been00:20:05
through a lot in the last 6 years and we00:20:07
grew a whole person. We've multiplied.00:20:10
That's your mama. That's mama. Here we00:20:12
are with our period. 6 years later,00:20:14
still on the same cycle. I'm going to00:20:16
watch the whole thing and then I'll give00:20:17
you my review and then we need to get up00:20:19
and actually do something. I'm going to00:20:20
attempt to do some makeup. I have put00:20:22
Miss Rachel on in hopes that she could00:20:24
maybe keep him entertained for like 1000:20:26
minutes. It's looking like he would00:20:27
prefer his mama, which honestly I can't00:20:29
complain. The second good thing has00:20:31
happened today. First being the coffee.00:20:32
The second, he has looked at me and said00:20:34
mama like six times. Now that you're00:20:36
mobile, mama's going to need a lot more00:20:38
sensors.00:20:40
That's a camera. Be careful. Oh, no. You00:20:42
want What do you want from the bag? You00:20:45
want to share with mama? No, you can't00:20:46
have that one. You can have this one.00:20:48
I'm done with this. There's no agenda,00:20:50
but I do know I need out of this house.00:20:52
I have learned to appreciate the art of00:20:54
a simple outing. I could be having the00:20:56
worst day ever and if I just get in my00:20:58
car and leave my house for even 3000:21:00
minutes, everything is going to be okay.00:21:02
In 10 months, I have never attempted to00:21:04
get ready on the floor with him right00:21:06
next to me. I see people do it all the00:21:08
time. And if other people can do it, so00:21:10
can I. This is proving to be a task. I00:21:12
put him in the baby Bujorn bouncer. I00:21:14
haven't put him in that in months, and00:21:16
he's not mad about it. I'm going to00:21:18
leave him. Buddy, were you eating these?00:21:19
Apparently, if you put bronzer on the00:21:21
middle of your neck, it does something.00:21:23
Is doing your makeup in front of a00:21:24
window a good idea or a bad idea? I00:21:26
wanted a change of scenery. I feel as00:21:28
though I see people do it all the time.00:21:29
Sitting on the floor isn't really00:21:31
comfortable either. It's just part of00:21:32
being a chunk. Thank you for giving mama00:21:34
this little bit of time to get ready.00:21:36
There's no escaping the mascara face. If00:21:39
you let me influence you on anything00:21:42
ever. This setting spray. L'Oreal00:21:44
Infallible 36 hours. I'm talking00:21:47
Florida. It's not moving. That was one00:21:49
of the excuses I was using to never get00:21:51
ready. It's just going to melt off. I00:21:52
fear THIS IS THE SOLUTION.00:21:55
PEOPLE ARE using this as a lip liner. My00:21:57
lips are too thin. Once this dries, I00:21:59
can just wipe it off and then it's00:22:01
stained. I think I really need to00:22:02
crochet. I actually started crocheting00:22:04
again. Thank goodness. I need to end00:22:07
this vlog. It's Monday. I feel like I've00:22:09
had the weekend to reset. Obviously,00:22:11
Gerald doesn't work on the weekend, so00:22:13
he's home, so I have help with MJ. I00:22:15
think I feel refreshed. My time of the00:22:17
month is over. The emotions are coming00:22:19
down a little bit. Andrew is still here00:22:20
today, but this is his last day. I00:22:22
showered. I washed my hair. My baby is00:22:25
down for a nap. With whatever time I00:22:26
have left, I'm going to sit here and00:22:28
crochet. Last night, I was trying to00:22:30
think about the things that I wanted to00:22:31
say that I haven't said yet. Seeing my00:22:33
longdistance friends, which all of my00:22:36
friends are long distance, so I guess00:22:37
like seeing any of my friends. Every00:22:39
time it reminds me how important it is00:22:41
to have friends. Anytime that I get to00:22:43
spend with them at all. I don't know if00:22:45
this is a cringey saying now, but like00:22:46
it really refills my cup. She was00:22:48
feeling a little empty. Even though00:22:49
Andrew was here last week, I just feel00:22:52
like the juju last week wasn't it. I00:22:54
think I'm putting this like pressure on00:22:55
myself for the holidays and I'm not00:22:57
really sure why I'm doing that,00:22:58
especially because MJ is not going to00:23:00
remember anything. That being said,00:23:01
having this week with Andrew has filled00:23:03
my cup. I feel really good knowing that00:23:06
I was able to get actual fun YouTube00:23:08
videos pre-f filmed. I picked up the00:23:10
camera to vlog for this when I could,00:23:12
but we were also like prefilming videos.00:23:14
I really got to get my anxiety under00:23:16
control. Like even now turning on the00:23:18
camera to talk to you, I'm instantly00:23:20
anxious. When I had my psychiatry00:23:22
appointment, I told my psychiatrist that00:23:24
my anxiety has just been so incredibly00:23:26
bad and like only really getting worse.00:23:28
He put me on an anxiety medication and00:23:31
unfortunately I don't think my body00:23:33
really likes it. I'm giving it time00:23:35
obviously because medications can take a00:23:37
long time to start working, but it's not00:23:39
that it's not working. I feel like it's00:23:41
just making me feel sick, really00:23:43
nauseous, itchy. I've never been00:23:45
allergic to a medication. I don't think00:23:47
this one might be the first one that my00:23:49
body just doesn't like. I was just00:23:50
really hopeful that the medication was00:23:53
going to like immediately work for some00:23:55
reason and I was going to feel better. I00:23:57
don't want MJ to see my anxiety when I'm00:23:59
around him and he's not napping. I feel00:24:01
like I'm playing a character in the00:24:02
sense that like I have to make sure I'm00:24:04
not radiating that to him, which I think00:24:06
is making it worse. [ __ ] anxiety.00:24:08
Anytime me and Andrew have tried to go00:24:10
to a restaurant, that's like a huge00:24:12
trigger for my anxiety for some reason.00:24:14
The second I sit down in a restaurant, I00:24:16
get the most crippling anxiety, like a00:24:18
sense of doom, the world's going to end,00:24:19
I'm not good enough for anything. That's00:24:21
definitely been how my brain has worked00:24:24
postpartum is like just telling myself00:24:26
I'm not good enough and I couldn't00:24:28
possibly ever be good enough. The00:24:29
restaurant thing has been an issue for a00:24:31
while. I do see more and more glimpses00:24:33
of me every single day. As the00:24:35
postpartum like fog and depression00:24:38
lifts, the anxiety gets worse. I would00:24:40
just love for my brain to function even00:24:42
for a little bit. What else did I write00:24:44
down? I put just a long week even though00:24:46
it didn't look like it based on what I00:24:47
filmed. Having a 10-month-old is so much00:24:49
fun, but it also is a task. He's00:24:52
constantly trying to get hurt, it seems00:24:54
like, or to eat things that he shouldn't00:24:55
eat. Having somebody here is usually so00:24:58
nice and like helpful honestly because00:25:00
they can watch the baby for even just a00:25:02
few minutes so I can get something done.00:25:04
Having Andrew here and having MJ00:25:06
literally hate his guts. That's honestly00:25:07
probably the big reason why I've00:25:09
literally been in fight or flight mode00:25:11
the entire past week. If Andrew is up00:25:13
and downstairs or near MJ, he is just so00:25:16
mad, like angry, crying. Obviously, I00:25:18
want MJ to be happy, but I also want to00:25:20
have fun with Andrew. And I just feel00:25:22
like I was only able to do that like00:25:23
once Gerald got home and was able to00:25:25
take over with MJ so I could go do00:25:27
things with Andrew. I think I was just00:25:29
naive in thinking that we avoided the00:25:31
stranger danger phase. Andrew felt so00:25:33
bad. He was like looking up how to fix00:25:34
it and everything said that like 1000:25:36
months can be like the peak or the worst00:25:38
of it. Please let me know if you dealt00:25:40
with this. Is it just a phase that will00:25:42
go away or is there something I'm00:25:43
supposed to be doing to help him through00:25:44
it? I don't want to just keep him from00:25:46
any and all people, but I also don't00:25:48
want to like stress him out. I will say00:25:49
I think his teeth are done for now.00:25:52
Pain-wise, I think he's a lot more00:25:53
comfortable. It's another reason why I'm00:25:55
hopeful this week is going to be better.00:25:57
And honestly, I just want to wrap this00:25:59
video up. That way, I can00:26:00
[clears throat] move forward and leave00:26:01
the juju of this week behind. My plan is00:26:04
to vlog every week, but also since me00:26:06
and Andrew prefilmed videos, I'm going00:26:09
to be able to have like a fun holiday00:26:10
video every week as well. Pre-filming00:26:12
those definitely took a hit to what I00:26:14
was able to film for this, but I still00:26:16
feel like I got footage for you. I00:26:17
actually, while I was going through this00:26:19
footage, I found the footage of me00:26:20
putting up my Christmas tree that I00:26:22
filmed for you guys. And I totally00:26:23
forgot I even did that. So, I can throw00:26:25
that in.00:26:27
[music and bell]00:26:34
[music]00:26:36
[bell]00:26:40
[music]00:26:43
Sorry, kicked you. Some of the branches00:26:46
are already sagging from last year. But00:26:48
the fact that I'm even able to reuse00:26:50
this Christmas tree is a win because00:26:53
ever since I got Dobby, I've never been00:26:54
able to have a Christmas tree for more00:26:56
than one year. He chews through the00:26:57
wires. Christmas. This is our chosen00:27:00
location for the tree this year. You're00:27:02
going to have to literally ignore00:27:04
everything00:27:06
else going on in my house at the moment.00:27:07
Needed to make room for this bad boy. I00:27:09
think I need to fluff this tree. I saw a00:27:10
girl post a video talking about how she00:27:12
fluffs her Christmas tree for like at00:27:14
least an hour. I don't even know how I00:27:16
could possibly fluff this thing for an00:27:18
entire hour, but this is my son's first00:27:20
Christmas tree and I want it to be good.00:27:22
I've mini fluffed a tree before, as in00:27:24
like if it's the first time I'm opening00:27:26
it, I'll pull a branch or two apart. I'm00:27:28
going to try to properly fluff this00:27:31
tree. Is it going to make any00:27:32
difference? Probably [ __ ] not. But at00:27:34
least I can say I tried and that I did00:27:35
it. The lighting is weird. I apologize.00:27:37
But like I'm assuming there won't be00:27:39
holes, but they don't even look that00:27:40
bad. Maybe this is just a good Christmas00:27:42
tree. I am going to wait for MJ to put00:27:45
up a couple of ornaments with me, which00:27:47
might seem silly. They're memories that00:27:48
I'm going to remember. Even if he00:27:50
doesn't remember it, this [ __ ] will. I00:27:51
want the tree to be perfect. And by00:27:54
perfect, I am not like an aesthetic00:27:56
Christmas person. I think I've tried to00:27:58
in the past. Like, what did Vlogmas 201900:28:00
Samantha use to decorate her apartment?00:28:02
But I'm going for like just Christmas00:28:03
throw up all over the place. Doesn't00:28:05
have to be cohesive. The colors don't00:28:07
have to match. This is the Christmas00:28:08
tree topper I got. Last year I tried00:28:10
everything to get this to stay on top of00:28:13
the Christmas tree and it just simply00:28:15
would not. This year I'm going to try00:28:16
this big ass bow. Before I can decorate,00:28:19
we have to flop. Gerald has the dogs00:28:21
downstairs with him so I can work on00:28:23
this. Probably should have told him to00:28:25
take Dobby with him, too. Dobby's going00:28:27
to do what Dobby's going to do to this00:28:29
tree, whether it happens now or later.00:28:32
Let's get fluffing. I really should look00:28:34
up like a fluffing tutorial. I watched a00:28:37
girl do this with gloves on. That was00:28:39
probably smart cuz my hands are already00:28:42
itchy. I think the issue is I've never00:28:44
taken pride in my Christmas tree before.00:28:47
Those days are over. Abby, don't even00:28:49
think about it. Bucko, I do get a little00:28:52
sad doing this because Snickers loved00:28:55
Christmas trees. We just crawl up in it00:28:57
and hang out all day. And she was so00:29:00
polite to the Christmas trees. There was00:29:02
always a little divot from where she00:29:04
would hang out. I'd be lying if I said00:29:06
it didn't make me sad. Like Dobby loves00:29:08
Christmas trees, but he just wants to00:29:10
attack them. Wait, I think it's making a00:29:12
difference. Oh, for sure.00:29:18
I feel like the only reason I'm even00:29:20
sitting here talking to you guys like00:29:22
this is because I have anxiety. Like, I00:29:24
am so anxious. Even though I know you00:29:26
guys are quite literally the most00:29:27
supportive people, because I don't have00:29:28
some crazy fun holiday blog right now,00:29:30
I'm spiraling. Something I've learned00:29:32
since having a baby is I used to be so00:29:35
[snorts] incredibly lazy. Before, if I00:29:36
wasn't filming, I was sitting on my ass00:29:38
on both butt cheeks. Now, if I don't00:29:41
have a camera on, I'm tending to a00:29:43
human. Monday through Friday, 6:30 a.m.00:29:45
to 4:30, 5:00 p.m. hanging out with my00:29:47
human. I'm taking care of him. I'm00:29:48
feeding him. I'm playing with him. I'm00:29:50
trying to help him learn. The moments00:29:51
where I would just sit and do nothing00:29:53
don't exist really anymore, except for00:29:55
the weekends. I use those weekends to00:29:56
like recharge because I have Gerald. I00:29:58
have such a respect for moms that I did00:30:00
not have before. I'm not saying I'll00:30:02
never get help or that I'm completely00:30:04
not open to the idea of having him go to00:30:07
some type of daycare for a day during00:30:09
the week that I can like batch film00:30:11
videos. I really am struggling to find00:30:13
balance. I don't want to give up the00:30:15
time that I have with MJ, but also I00:30:17
know that I am my own person and I have00:30:19
my own career and if I don't have enough00:30:22
left in my cup to do the things for me,00:30:24
I'm going to get burnt out really fast.00:30:26
I will say having my brick and not doom00:30:29
scrolling has helped tremendously. A00:30:32
brick essentially is just a little00:30:34
device that locks you out of certain00:30:35
apps on your phone, which may sound00:30:36
ridiculous to some people that we need00:30:38
that, but in today's society, that just00:30:39
is what it is. For me, it only blocks00:30:41
Tik Tok and Instagram because I feel00:30:43
like those are the two apps that I would00:30:44
go on and just like scroll. If I'm00:30:46
watching a YouTube video, it's just on00:30:48
in the background. It's not keeping me00:30:50
from doing a task. Snapchat, I'm only00:30:51
really like posting on my stories. In00:30:53
the Tik Tok app, it says you've turned00:30:55
Tik Tok off. Your phone is currently00:30:57
brricked. To access this app, tap your00:30:59
brick. My brick is downstairs in the00:31:00
kitchen. I did a row. I'm shocked I was00:31:02
even able to speak while I crocheted a00:31:04
row. Never been a good multitasker. We00:31:05
had a week, but we made it through. And00:31:07
I learned a lot last week, even though I00:31:09
was in fight orflight mode the entire00:31:11
time. This morning has already been00:31:13
better. My mom is coming to visit. I'm00:31:15
really hoping he doesn't have stranger00:31:16
danger towards my mom. He never has00:31:19
before. We found out yesterday that it00:31:21
wasn't just Andrew that he didn't like.00:31:23
He's experiencing stranger danger00:31:24
towards like all people. Not only will00:31:26
having my mom here be like really00:31:27
helpful because she can watch him. I can00:31:29
work. But like I have a list of holiday00:31:32
things that I want to do with her. Being00:31:33
with my mom just really makes it feel00:31:35
like Christmas. Would it be a Vlogmas00:31:37
video if I didn't have to like try not00:31:39
to cry? This is not Vlogmas. Like let's00:31:40
just be real. When my mom is around, I00:31:42
feel like I can breathe. Like even00:31:44
though I know that like she can't fix00:31:46
everything, it feels like she can. I'm00:31:48
sorry. I was just really overwhelmed00:31:50
this past week. And I was trying to make00:31:52
sure that like everybody was happy. I00:31:53
haven't seen Andrew in over a year. I00:31:55
wanted him to have fun, but I also00:31:57
wanted to make sure MJ was happy. I kind00:31:59
of felt like no matter what I was doing,00:32:00
it wasn't right. I just want to reset00:32:03
and start this week fresh. I'm going to00:32:05
bring you guys with me for whatever I00:32:07
do. I also have some fun holiday videos00:32:09
with Andrew. I'm going to end this00:32:10
because I will sit and talk forever. I00:32:12
just want to move forward. It really00:32:14
does take a village. I don't know where00:32:16
I would be if I was doing this alone. I00:32:17
love you guys so much. I'll see you in a00:32:19
few days.Description:
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