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"videoThumbnail Guest Host Chelsea Handler on Trump’s Jan 6th Meltdown, Ghislaine Maxwell Sentence & OJ on Abortion

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jimmy

jimmy kimmel

jimmy kimmel live

late night

talk show

funny

comedic

comedy

clip

comedian

mean tweets

Monologue

Guillermo

Hollywood

Los Angeles

Live Audience

Summer

Guest Host

Chelsea Handler

Legislation

Supreme Court

Roe V Wade

abortion

Donald Trump

January 6th

Cassidy Hutchinson

Mark Meadows

Rudy Giuliani

Tucker Carlson

Jeffrey Epstein

Ghislaine Maxwell

Yoga

High School

Livingston High School

OJ Simpson

00:00:00

and now

00:00:01

chelsea handler

00:00:05

[Applause]

00:00:28

thank you so much

00:00:29

thank you welcome to jimmy kimmel live i

00:00:31

am your guest host chelsea handler

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hosting this show has taught me that a

00:00:40

woman can do anything a man can do when

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he's on vacation and doesn't feel like

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doing it

00:00:48

we have a lot to get to starting with

00:00:50

the explosive hearing in washington it

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turns out donald trump was even more of

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a bag than we originally thought

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we heard some truly insane testimony

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from cassidy hutchinson a top aide to

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trump's chief of staff mark meadows

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cassidy painted a very unflattering

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portrait of trump's behavior on january

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6th including the little fit he

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threw when the secret service wouldn't

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let him go to the capitol during the

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riot

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sets them into the effect of

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i'm the effing president take me up to

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the capitol now

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to which bobby responded sir

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we have to go back to the west wing

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the president

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reached up towards the front of the

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vehicle to grab at the steering wheel

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mr engel grabbed his arm

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said sir you need to take your hand off

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the steering wheel

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we're going back to the west wing we're

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not going to the capitol and when

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grabbing the steering wheel didn't work

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he grabbed the car by the

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fortunately

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trump sat back down and patiently waited

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for his car to arrive at the white house

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just kidding of course that's not what

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he did

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mr trump then used his free hand to

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lunge towards bobby angle and mr when mr

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ronato had recounted this story to me he

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had motioned towards his clavicles

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that is no way to treat a secret service

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agent that is how you treat a contestant

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in the dressing room at the miss

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universe pageant

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sadly there is no footage of trump

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grabbing the wheel but i imagine it

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would look something like this

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hutchinson also relayed details of what

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happened when trump's attorney general

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bill barr told him there was no evidence

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of election fraud the valet had

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articulated that the president

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was

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extremely angry

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at

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the attorney general's ap interview

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and had thrown his lunch against the

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wall

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um which was causing them to have to

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clean up so i grabbed a towel and

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started wiping the catch up off the wall

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to help the ballet out

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melania also has to wipe things off the

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wall after their annual mar-a-lago

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penetration

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and if you think the ketchup story is a

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bit off trump apparently did stuff like

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this all the time are there other

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instances in the dining room that you

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recall where he expressed his anger

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there were there were several times

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throughout my tenure with the chief of

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staff that i was aware

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of him either throwing dishes or

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flipping the tablecloth but those were

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just his playdates with rudy giuliani

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speaking speaking of my baby rudy

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giuliani

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he has been making the rounds on tv

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claiming he was assaulted at a shoprite

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over the weekend but even the super

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right wing nuts like greg kelly are not

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buying it

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i gotta be honest it doesn't look that

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bad but i i understand that looks can be

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deceiving

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you know that that was that was the

00:04:14

woman who was rubbing my back not the

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guy who lived

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but you're watching

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so the woman that woman uh

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gave a statement to the police that the

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guy hit me so hard that she herself

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almost fell

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from the reverberation

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[Laughter]

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something tells me this isn't the first

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time rudy has exaggerated the size of

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something

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like his tiny little micro penis

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republicans are getting very touchy

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about touching as democracy hangs by a

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threat this is what tucker carlson is

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worried about but nancy was she still

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tells us she loves kids

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so we kind of took her at face value

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until we saw this tape from last week

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this tape shows nancy pelosi elbowing

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the child the child of republican mara

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flores who just won a congressional seat

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in south texas so there is nancy pelosi

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elbowing a little girl who got in her

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camera shop

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that tells you a lot

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nancy is an elected government official

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she needs to act more dignified like

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trying to strangle her own security

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guards in a movie vehicle

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but obviously that was clearly an

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accident and that's coming from me

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someone who is not a fan of children and

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has been elbowing them for years

00:05:51

in other depressing slash exciting news

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we all remember jeffrey epstein's wing

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woman jizz lane maxwell guillermo is it

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is it jizz lane or gizlane oh geez lane

00:06:01

jizz yeah okay

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who whatever who cares we'll just call

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her jizz

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jes was sentenced to 20 years for

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serving as epstein's personal groomer

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and she has apparently found a new

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calling she is teaching yoga to all

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other inmates

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her specialty is child's pose

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according to one inmate maxwell

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introduced herself to the other folks in

00:06:29

the jail unit which took them by

00:06:30

surprise which is weird because making

00:06:33

introductions is kind of her thing

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also

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i would like to clear up a rumor that

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was going around a while back that i was

00:06:42

on one of the flight logs to epstein

00:06:45

island i was not and i think i would

00:06:47

remember grooming teens with jeff and

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jizz

00:06:55

so i am stating it here for the final

00:06:58

time i have never been to epstein island

00:07:00

but i did one time accidentally find

00:07:03

myself at a dinner with jeffrey epstein

00:07:06

woody allen and suny

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this is true i went with katie couric of

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all people

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and i thought to myself this is it like

00:07:14

i i have to confront woody allen there

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is no way as a woman that i am not going

00:07:18

to say something to this man

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so i sat there and suffered through the

00:07:22

whole meal biting my time waiting until

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the very end and just as he was shoving

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a piece of blackberry cobbler into his

00:07:30

mouth i leaned over to woody and sunyi

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and said so how did you two meet

00:07:42

and then katie couric looked at me and

00:07:44

said okay time to go chelsea

00:07:48

in other chelsea news last night i

00:07:50

mentioned that i had three abortions in

00:07:52

high school and do you know what men on

00:07:54

the internet had to say about that

00:07:56

i don't because i don't give

00:08:07

but my old high school does i recently

00:08:09

found out my high school in new jersey

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livingston high school is refusing to

00:08:14

induct me into their alumni hall of fame

00:08:17

jason alexander and chris christie made

00:08:20

it but not me apparently the school is

00:08:22

upset about how much i talk about my

00:08:24

abortions

00:08:26

so i've decided to start a grassroots

00:08:28

campaign you should donate to planned

00:08:30

parenthood and then march and then vote

00:08:32

but after you're done with that go

00:08:34

online and tweet a message to the school

00:08:35

district for my alma mater

00:08:37

at live schools let them know how you

00:08:40

feel about this gross injustice and use

00:08:42

the hashtag hall4handler

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and have fun with it make me proud

00:08:54

livingston high the hall is in your

00:08:56

court

00:08:58

uh you probably saw this online but

00:09:00

after roe v wade got overturned some

00:09:02

pro-lifers have been posting pictures of

00:09:03

themselves holding signs like this that

00:09:06

say please don't abort we will adopt

00:09:08

your baby

00:09:10

there is some other fine print though it

00:09:11

says offer not valid if baby is black

00:09:13

brown gay or already out of the room

00:09:18

this is a very weird thing to do first

00:09:20

of all i don't believe these people for

00:09:22

a second you know how when you run into

00:09:24

someone that you only kind of know and

00:09:25

say something like oh we should get

00:09:27

drinks sometime but you don't really

00:09:28

mean it and you hope that they never

00:09:29

text you that's what these signs are

00:09:32

so we'll ask these people to adopt their

00:09:34

baby and the couple will be like oh

00:09:35

sorry this month is crazy let's catch up

00:09:37

after the holidays

00:09:39

and secondly we will adopt your baby is

00:09:42

one of the creepiest sentences i've ever

00:09:43

heard

00:09:44

it sounds like the title of a movie

00:09:46

starring jeffrey epstein and jizz

00:09:55

also we finally got some thoughts on

00:09:57

abortion from my personal hero mentor

00:09:59

and sensei let's start with roe versus

00:10:02

wade i thought it was a horrible

00:10:04

decision i think women should have

00:10:06

the right to decide uh

00:10:08

what happens uh with their bodies

00:10:11

is that what you think oj that women

00:10:13

should have the right to decide where

00:10:14

you murder them

00:10:18

while women's rights are getting rolled

00:10:19

back across the country

00:10:21

some companies are cashing in i was

00:10:23

recently asked to be a spokeswoman for a

00:10:25

new female focused restaurant chain

00:10:27

which seemed like a pretty great

00:10:29

opportunity at the time but i probably

00:10:31

should have read the script before i

00:10:32

signed the contract

00:10:34

it's that time of the month time for a

00:10:36

boozy brunch with your gal pals so come

00:10:39

on down to girl grill the first

00:10:41

restaurant for women only excuse me can

00:10:44

we see the menus we don't have menus at

00:10:46

girl grill we make the decisions for you

00:10:50

cobb salad chicken parm salad with all

00:10:52

the dressing on the side and fish tacos

00:10:54

for you milady fish tacos are little

00:10:56

tacos are you menu splaining to me right

00:10:59

now maybe just try smiling might look a

00:11:01

little prettier

00:11:02

hey i'm smiling now

00:11:04

girl grill has 12 big screen tvs that

00:11:07

play nothing but your favorite

00:11:08

documentary the bachelor and it's always

00:11:12

wine o'clock here because we know women

00:11:14

love them some mommy juice oh fun fact

00:11:17

unlike women wine gets better with age

00:11:20

and when your meal is done we add on the

00:11:22

tip because we know how hard math can be

00:11:24

for you all right will that be cash or

00:11:27

your husband's credit card we don't have

00:11:30

husbands

00:11:31

shocker actually i want to pay

00:11:33

personally because i have a tip for you

00:11:38

or you'll kick like a girl

00:11:40

girl grill with over 6 000 locations in

00:11:43

texas florida and wherever your rights

00:11:44

are being compromised

00:11:47

[Applause]

Description:

Guest Host Chelsea Handler talks about the explosive hearing in Washington where a top aide to Trump’s Chief of Staff painted an unflattering portrait of Donald’s behavior on Jan 6th, Rudy Giuliani making the rounds claiming he was assaulted over the weekend, Tucker Carlson worrying about all the wrong things as Democracy hangs by a thread, Jeffrey Epstein’s wing woman Ghislaine Maxwell being sentenced to 20 years in prison, plus Chelsea clears up rumors about being on Epstein’s flight logs and reveals that she ended up at a dinner with Epstein and Woody Allen, and she talks about her high school refusing to induct her into the alumni hall of fame because of how much she talks about abortion, pro-lifers posting pictures of themselves with signs saying “We Will Adopt Your Baby,” OJ Simpson giving his thoughts on abortion, and a new female-focused restaurant chain that Chelsea probably shouldn’t have agreed to be the spokesperson for. SUBSCRIBE to get the latest #Kimmel: https://www.youtube.com/user/jimmykimmellive?sub_confirmation=1 Watch Mean Tweets: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgQVj4iMm8Y Connect with Jimmy Kimmel Live Online: Visit the Jimmy Kimmel Live WEBSITE: https://abc.com/show/9bfe2f4f-41ad-4492-a6dd-0b67db180543 Like Jimmy Kimmel on FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/unsupportedbrowser Like Jimmy Kimmel Live on FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/unsupportedbrowser Follow @JimmyKimmel on TWITTER: http://bit.ly/KimmelTW Follow Jimmy Kimmel Live on TWITTER: http://bit.ly/JKLTwitter Follow Jimmy Kimmel Live on INSTAGRAM: https://www.facebook.com/unsupportedbrowser About Jimmy Kimmel Live: Jimmy Kimmel serves as host and executive producer of Emmy®-nominated “Jimmy Kimmel Live!,” ABC’s late-night talk show. “Jimmy Kimmel Live!” is well known for its huge viral video successes, with over 11 billion views and more than 15 million subscribers on the show’s YouTube channel. Some of Kimmel’s most popular comedy bits include “Celebrities Read Mean Tweets,” “Lie Witness News,” “Unnecessary Censorship,” “Halloween Candy YouTube Challenge,” and music videos like “I (Wanna) Channing All Over Your Tatum.”

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